fun nerd stuff

i am obsessed with mastering this. my first try, i got about a 65/100. i can do about 94 now before i start drawing blanks. werd nord is me.

100 most common words quiz




best. spam. ever.

so i've been getting these spams for a couple of months now, and i laugh just about every time. someone really put some thought into this one.



monkey business

i love monkeys. but that's beside the point.

today, i want to show you my favorite weatherman @l rok3r on this weekend's episode of best week ever, but i can't find a clip. so that sucks. it was funny.

instead, here is pee wee herman giving us some good advice about crack. enjoy.



well okay

so i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored at work lately i can't hardly stand it. i've tried to make the most of my downtime by dernlerding myoozik, looking at funny pictures and window shopping (next time i have an extra forty bucks, this and maybe this will be mine).

but i digress...

during this lull, i've found myself spending an inordinate amount of time on myspace, tweaking my profile ever so slightly, browsing through bands trying to find my next new favorite thing, and looking up folks i haven't seen in decades. i am offically very tired of dicking around on myspace, and i've decided that instead, i shall give the old crapfest another try.

i know, i know, it's so exciting! now, i don't do much, so there's not a lot of newsy type stuff to report... so i'm going to rely on the glorious internet to basically do my posting for me.

and so, for my first trick, i give you: the masturbating walrus. he's dead now. it's dreadfully sad.



who's gonna massacre their coworkers? it's me! it's me!

the title of this post reads more like a nice song in my head... it's all melodic and sing-songy and gives me great joy to even visualize the implied action. you see, my one and only buddy here--miss donna, queen of the queens--broke her wrist back at the beginning of february and took it as a sign from the gods that she should leave here and never look back. so i'm left with an office full of corky thatchers. (feet stomps) I WANNA BREAK MY WRIST! (/feet stomps)

but seriously, so we've hired this new chick. and she's like, old, and has literally ZERO sense of humor. worst part is, she thinks she DOES have a sense of humor, and not only does she laugh (chortle, really) at her own stupid non-jokes all day, but she expects me to do the same. and if i don't, she just keeps repeating it over and over again until i "get it" and give her my best fake laugh. it sounds like this: "heh."

and also, she's supposed to have all this "business experience," but if that's true, then i've got to redefine my idea of what that means. for example, acting TOTALLY AMAZED every time a check comes in (and it's not like it's rare--we get at least ten in a day) and saying things like "oooh! excellent, excellent, excellent!" and clapping your hands and jumping around... i mean, come on! and then there's the whole "i have to explain the same damn simple thing forty-six times and even then she doesn't remember it" thing. i've had better luck getting my vagina to pay attention. stupid vagina.

she's also partially deaf. in her interview, she said "slightly hard of hearing." yeah, um, deaf. if you're not looking at her so she can read your lips, she can't hear you. this is sort of a bad thing, but it has its perks. for example, i can mutter all sorts of profanities under my breath by simply turning to face my monitor and i'm guaranteed to get away with it. that part's kinda nice.

so in summary, we have nothing in common and we have to spend roughly 40 hours per week together. the shitty part is, she doesn't yet know that i'm not interested in being buddies. she wants to talk about her period and farting and stuff. no thanks! let's just work, alright? no friendly banter necessary! oh and did i mention that she sells mary kay? and she's got it in her head that she's somehow going to convert me. yeah, i need forty dollar makeup like i need some sort of rare, deadly butt disease.

so that's the new chick. the molester's still here, though he and i are now in this nice little routine--mainly, he just doesn't even look at me much less address me, and i agree not to demean, belittle or yell at him in return. seems fair, right? so there's the biatch, the molester, and the two owners. one of them's cool but not the brightest bulb, the other one's a completely narcissistic pompous ass who thinks he hung the moon. i want something bad to happen to him. and that's work! i spend most of my days trying to stay busy so i don't have to be aware that i'm wasting my life away in the ninth circle of hell.

home life is good and quiet as usual. we got a new bathroom last weekend (well, not exactly... but we got new flooring and a new sink/cabinet combo) and it's really nice. there is talk of undertaking some serious work this summer, adding a room or two, etc., and we'll see how all that unfolds. i ain't livin' in a place that's got a plastic dropcloth for a backdoor, so if they intend to just cut some walls out then put them back in "whenever they get a chance," i'm gonna need to check into a luxury hotel or something. z's in his second semester at eku doing the construction management thing, he's kicking its ass. it's been a little crazy getting used to the drop in our combined income, but we're makin' it. we just stopped buying crack and baby diapers, and that helped a lot.

otherwise, not much happening. i'm, as always, REALLY looking forward to warmer weather. today's nice temperature-wise... no sun to speak of, but not too much wind either. there are, unfortunately, about a million worms struggling to get back under ground after last night's rain and i can't even express just how much i hate that. THE SMELL. IT'S AWFUL. i had to use a dolly to wheel a bunch of shit out to the dumpster and was slaloming worms the whole way so as not to smash and smoosh them, cuz that really makes me gag. big time.

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