ye olde crapfest

i'm currently reading a book that boomer gave me for the b-day, a lovely little thing called...(guess!)...amanda. i meant to bring it in here so i could scan the cover for you, but (as usual), i forgot. i did, however, manage to get tay to read the blurb on the back over the phone, and i have transcribed it below. enjoy.

A New Land, A New Love...

With only a silk dress to protect her from the blazing frontier sun, Amanda fears she will die on the Oregon Trail. As the memories of Boston, the nightly balls, and Joseph fade, the hardships of life on the wagon trail fill her days. Changing from a spoiled city girl to a strong young woman, Amanda finds drought and death, beauty and joy, and a love that will last forever.

now doesn't that sound bitchin? i read 200 pages yesterday during that six o'clock block that's usually reserved for charmed. damn that oregon trail and its hardships! injun attacks and catastrophic river fording attempts, calico dresses aflame and even the measles! i'll show you the cover tomorrow...i looked for it on the dubyadubyadubya, but no luck. maybe it was banned for all of its racialist undertones, who knows.

thanks, r! it's an instant classic.

i went to maggotdonalds for my birthday cheeseburger and french fries, and wouldn't you know, they gave me a burger with no burger on it. it was just buns, cheese, and condiments. those crazy mongoloids.

it's been suggested that i not only complain and attempt to get food compensation, but also that i request ronald himself attend my next celebration. that'd be awesome. i would try to pants him (or "floor" him, for you non-louisvillians with your "carbs" and your "caramel delites"), if that yellow suit wasn't so unitardarific.

i got some pretty flowers. they're lovely.

this weekend provided further proof of my lameness--i intended to celebrate my birthday for days on end, with non-stop drinking and cavorting, but instead ended up cleaning house and cooking and stressing out most of the time.

i told you i'm an old lady, but you didn't believe me. why didn't you believe me?

(and now, happy happy joy joy is stuck in my head for at least the afternoon)

yeah, so dad and amy came down for a little bbq action, which went quite well. i'm a little fatter having ingested more of that liquid death that is GermanPotatoSalad (a pound and a half of bacon and all the grease this time around), but i guess i've been keeping those fatty pants in the bottom drawer of the dresser for a reason.

oh crap, dawn of the dead was pretty damn cool. almost flawless as far as the rules of zombie movies go... i really love it when i say (out loud, of course, to the chagrin of the uber-quiet viewers around me) things like "oh god don't leave that guy in charge of the door! what are you thinking?!?!" and "oh god mekhi phifer, what are you doing!?!! there's no way that baby's not a zombie, you dumb and soon-to-be-dead asshole!" predictable idiots. horror films rule.

well well then, big 24 today. i'm hoping for a singing telegram, maybe an elvis or a prince or a michael jackson. that'd be sweet. if they'd sing happy happy joy joy that'd be even sweeter.

i already got some cool presents. schmra spoiled me with candy and awesome books and a dress that looks like this:



and of course, my own personal "footprints" for my bathroom, which i must say is now becoming eerily sacreligious. my dad warned me about lightning strikes yesterday, and my dad does not lie.

so yeah, candy, books, jesus, zombies, potato salad death. it's been alright, i suppose.

jesus WAS a zombie. think about that.

you, me, him, her, us, them
was, is, wasn't, isn't, shouldn't, can't
can't not, holy crap

wine, yes wine!

the opening ceremonies have concluded, and i've got that dickel brothers song in my head and i wish i was the illustrious "blue eyes" and maybe i was, i don't know. but it works both ways, i guess.

if i can stomach it, i'm having some bacon for breakfast. it's thoughts like these that lull me to sleep sometimes...

g'night.

i've managed to kill two hours with superweb surfing and a short mcdonald's break, now i'm going to get cracking on all of the (ten whole minutes worth of) work i've got to do today. it should be fabulous.

i'm a little bummed that i missed the mates of state show last night. from what i hear, it was really cool. these things happen, though, i guess.

i think ms. dew's having a bit of a party this evening, and i guess my birthday is one of the things being celebrated. so i should definitely be doing that. and then the rest of the weekend's going to be filled with action and business, and hopefully i'll get all of the stuff that i HAVE to get done DONE and then i can get to doing the stuff i want to do.

dad's coming on sunday for a bbq, that should be good. everyone's invited--we'll have to plan a little better, though, so call a biatch.

i'm going to see some zombies tomorrow. dawn of the dead is one of my top three favorite zombie movies of all time, so this remake's gonna have a lot to live up to. we'll see.

alright, i've almost made it...today has dragged like you wouldn't believe. but things will start happening in just a minute, and the rest of my necessary time here will pass very quickly. and then i'm going to do some stuff, we'll see how all that goes.

hoping you don't get shivved,

slappy mcgee

time goes very slowly when you've got nothing to do.

the sun's shining into my office, teasing and taunting me, laughing its sunshiny little ass off because i've got to sit here for at least three more hours. and i think that's lame.

i had my fave for lunch today--lobster bisque with a half sandwich (egg salad today! i'm nutty!). z had a doctors appointment right across the street, so we converged upon pasta plus rather early...funny thing is, when we were leaving (and preparing to drive around the circle for some jousting, of course), we ran right smack into his dad, fresh from the chinese place (his favorite apparently). so there went the jousting.

anyway, one boss off on a cruise to south america or somewhere else nice and warm, and the other's gone golfing. permanently, i think. this means crossword action for me. maybe some literati or something.

again, if you're on yahoo games and you wanna play wit' me, i'm riggamacrumb.

and again, sorry for the lack of "oomph" in the crapfest (lately? forever?)...i'm hoping i haven't lost my funny forever and ever.

this whole "trying to dress nice" thing is causing me much mental anguish, and is beginning to seriously cut into my quality time with the animals/television in the morning.

i must've put on eighteen different outfits this morning before finally deciding that it wasn't totally inexcusable and out-of-my-element to just wear a plain old pair of pants and a plain old shirt and some sandals. they put up with it for almost three years, so what if i relax a little bit one, maybe two (maybe three?) days a week.

i've been doing well, and it's nice outside--fuck it, i'm taking liberties.

hey! also! i need an accomplice, stat. it's donatos pizza buffet day (11am to 1pm), and i feel like a pizza junkie when i go in there by myself.

somebody help a sista' out.

if you don't have my digits already, email me. delicious pizza, i anticipate your greatness and salivate more and more with every passing moment.

i have to do some work today. i have no choice. i've been sitting here staring at it for the last two days, and it's high time it got off my desk and done with.

now i just have to work up some of that good old fashioned gumption i'm always talking about. that shouldn't be too hard, right?

and in case you were wondering, lulu continues to be crazy and constantly reaffirms her position as the number one annoyance in my daily life. today, i'm going to try to teach her how to read the fax log from the fax machine menu. we'll see how well that goes over.

it's amazing! we just switched our dsl over to a t-1 line, and it all went over smooth as can be, no problems at all, everything went according to plan.

this is NOT the way things usually go around here. i'm pleasantly surprised.

but my internet connection's not much faster. what's up with that?

on another note, i'm craving salad. a huge salad full of hard-boiled eggs and bacon. i write about food a lot. yip.

i mean, come on.

though i have been looking for ways to make some extra cash...

i'm gonna be 24 in a week.

when i was 12, i looked at 24 year old women like they were adults. all grown up, confident, put together... i thought that by the time i was that old, i'd most likely be married (maybe to keanu reeves? i think he was the hawt thing back then), have a couple of kids and be a successful marine biologist or whatever it is i wanted to be back then.

and now that i'm there, i don't feel a whole lot different than i did when i was 20. or 18 even. sure, shit's a lot different. i've done a lot in the meantime-- i got my degree (bullshit!), succumbed to the pressures of "the man" and got myself a 9-5 job, lah lah lah... but i still find myself looking at other 24 year olds, and it's weird. i can't help but think that something in me still hasn't exactly clicked. i haven't scaled some sort of magical maturity mountain-- i'm close, but not quite there yet-- i can't make myself be an adult. and i still feel a little overwhelmed, in awe, etc., when i'm in the presence of those that i consider to be "adults." i feel like i still belong at the kids table or something. is that good? bad? both? not sure. i mean, i'm all about hanging onto your youth and having fun and all that, but i'm starting to worry a little bit about the course of my development. but that's just me being silly.

anyway...

i plan to celebrate all weekend, since a monday birthday could potentially be very lame. you can get me this if you really want to. supposably [sic], it's magical.

alright, so here goes the usual weekend recap...

friday afternoon boom and i did the goodwill circuit, and i managed to spend 41 bucks on all kinds of good "young professional" costumes...i was proud that i bought very little trashy crap, as i usually spend at least ten bucks on childrens t-shirts and ratty hoodies. so after that, i relaxed a little, then went to bed really early. 10:30ish, i guess, i don't even know; i passed out in front of the television. woke up saturday at 5:30 and laid around for a bit, then got to doin' things...repotted some plants, cleaned up a bit, sat around while z and mr. and mrs. b re-wired the living room (a task which also entailed the removal and replacement of EVERYTHING on that damn bookshelf). boomer came over for a while and we walked up to that one shopping center place and i spent money on crap, like flaming skull air fresheners for mandrake, and tons of jesus crap from the dollar den. my bathroom now has a beautiful "last supper" hanging on the large wall; i smile and say "what's for dinner, jesus?" everytime i sit down on the pot...oh and a jesus clock, it's beautiful. he's on the cross and when you flip a switch, he lights up...but everytime i see that i say "what time is it, jesus?" i am easily amused.

anyway, then we went to funcoland (now gamestop or something) and spent more money on dvds and video games (they have a great, fairly cheap, used dvd selection). upon returning home, i decided i was spending money WAY TOO FAST, and realized that going out and spending more at a bar was not in my best interest. so moviefest it was. spent most of yesterday afternoon napping and nursing a wicked headache which eventually resulted in dry heaving (felt much better after all that action), the simpsons, and then bed. and now, i'm here, and i already stained one of my new snazzy shirts with mcdonalds pickle.

i have done Exactly One work related thing today. i wrote and printed my paycheck. would that count as two things? hmmm.

this is a wrench.


lately i've been a huge fan of the "everything happens for a reason" theory. i've been applying it to my life, and reminding other people about it when they want to talk about their lives... and i really think i believe it. even if it isn't true, it definitely helps you to cope with all of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the unexpected.

so then, "everything happens for a reason." okay.

god i wish someone would just go ahead and tell me what that reason is, but something tells me i'm going to have to try to figure that out for myself.

i'm being vague, i know. that's my thing, lemme have it.

i'd love to write about other stuff, but not surprisingly, i'm having some trouble concentrating. i only slept on friday and sunday night, so i'm feeling crack-monkeyesque, and of course mondays suck, so... i'll spare you my blah and will come back to this thing when perhaps i've got something hilarious for you.

yes i do, yes i do...

i am a happy girl today. i have now paid off all of my minor debts, leaving only my huge student loan, my car payment, and a (greatly reduced) balance on my magic discover card. it feels nice. i'm officially "out of the hole" and can begin living life normally again, at least for a while.

it's really freakin' nice out. i just spent my lunch break with j-bun and tuckdawg over at the cheryl inn; they were washing cars, it looked kinda fun. i think i'll do mine again on sunday, if it doesn't rain.

i'm leaving early today...gonna go spend some more of that money i was just talkin' about. i can't wait. i'm gonna get some new dresses and shoes and god knows what else.

and tonight, i will take it easy. i feel like i've been out every night for a week! i haven't, but still...we might go see one of four or five movies i'm dying to see, but then again, we might just play video games until we die. either way, i'm gonna be really glad i'm not at work anymore.

and that is all.

something fairly crazy happened just now.

and i am going to tell you about it.

i was on my way back into the office after some lunch/soap opera action, and in celebration of the beatiful day i had the windows down and the sunroof open. i was listening to the tail end of the joggers album, the last song, i think it's called "same to you," and i get up to the stoplight in front of the bank and i'm sitting there... anyway, this car rolls up to my left, and i glance over and this dude's driving. he looks up, i smile,whatever, look away...anyways about two seconds later i notice out of the corner of my eye he's motioning at me and i look over and he cranks up his stereo and he's listening to exactly the same song at almost exactly the same time. we were, like, maybe thirty seconds off. we exchanged pleasantries, "yeah it's a great record," lah lah lah, and then the light changed and we went on our merry ways.

weird, huh?

shit i almost forgot! i got a copy of the new modest mouse album (set to come out april 6th). and so it goes--once again, i'm in love, and it's just like i remembered it to be.

well well well, someone's been a busy girl this morning...

it's me!

yes, i've been working my little (getting bigger by the minute) ass off. i'm not sure why i'm all of a sudden so gung-ho, but i'm not going to complain--this leaves little for me to do this afternoon and tomorrow. and i know this excites all of you to no end.

so i didn't get too shitty last night. i guess i just wasn't really "feelin' it." i may have blown the ol' proverbial load on tuesday night with my up-late & drinking shenanigans. oh well, it's not like i ever really do as much celebrationing as i say i'm gonna. last year for st. patty's i was in austin at a bar looking for movie stars. ay, what a difference a year makes.

yeah, so you know how i said i'd be rollin' in dough in a matter of weeks? well, a quick check over on the taxman's website says that it's gonna be more like a matter of days. hours even. if all goes according to schedule, i'll be fabulously wealthy by this time tomorrow. and that means this weekend i'm going to act like i'm 16 all over again and i have no judgement or morals or common sense or responsibility. doesn't that sound nice? i thought so.

man i really wanna leave. the bosses are both gone, there's no one here to breathe down my neck and remind me about spring newsletters and broadcast faxes (FAXES!?! it's the 90s, people! send me an email!) and tri-color brochures and overdue invoices.

i hope z gets home early enough to show me how to turn the damn playstation on. i tried at lunch and couldn't get the sound to work. and i'm not exactly an idiot, so i'm not sure what's up. he probably had to plug it in all crazy or something. lordy.

ha! so as far as dreams about facials go (you know who you are), i was gonna ask, was it like a facial like a cucumber mask or something, or was it the other kind of facial...

sheeeit...as if i didn't already know. i'm just being funny.

have you seen evita? i didn't think so. but that's not important. now, this may qualify me for instant dorkdom, but i like it. i've had a couple of songs in my head this morning, namely "and the money kept rollin' in" and "another suitcase in another hall," though i'm not sure that those are the actual song titles. it's becoming a little annoying, so i'm about to queue up a most-bitchin' soundtrack for my day, incorporating songs from nine different cds full of random mp3s. it should be very interesting, and will hopefully get that "rollin rollin rollin/ rollin rollin rollin/ rollin rollin rollin / rollin rollin rollin" line pushed back into the depths of the mental archives.

the black keys kicked so much ass. i'm really glad i overcame my old lady objections and went out. the recent financial strain has made it hard for me to go to shows lately, and i've really missed it. there's something about standing right next to a huge pulsating speaker and staring intently at a drummer's hands or admiring the intensity with which a bassist grinds his teeth while playing, or watching a guy flail his guitar around like some kind of possessed monkey that really makes me happy.

fortunately, this musical drought is almost over. you see, in about three weeks, the money really will be rollin' in. the first thing to go back into the budget is fun. i can't wait.

hey! i almost forgot! happy st. patty's day. i think i'm gonna be smashed by ten tonight. provided that i don't play tony hawk all night. we got a ps2 yesterday, it's already looking like it's gonna be our downfall. that's alright, i suppose it's better than being slobbering junkies.

man, it's amazing how some folks really firmly and resolutely believe that the whole entire world exists specifically to revolve around them.

oh great googly moogly...

"oh! to be light and without worry or care, 'tis a beautimous thing."

and now, for your viewing pleasure, i present the cat with hands. my apologies to those of you who are too cool for quicktime, you're missing out.

now i'm gonna go pick zack up and go to circuit city. for work, of course. i've gotta buy a new mic adaptor to take care of the horrible HISSSSSSSSING noise that's developed.

oh! some quick announcements.

happy birthday to erin e., even though i have forgotten what she looks like by now.

congrats to mix and sarah on the upcoming hitching! i guess this is the part where everyone i know starts getting married and i end up being that cool friend who babysits all the time. auntie mandy. ha.

and also, tonight might get crazy. i smell debauchery, and frankly, i sorta like it.

today's my long day--not long by most folks' standards (i'll probably be here until 6), but it always draaaaaags. 'salright, i'll stay busy. work's been consistently steady lately, which is good and bad. i don't have nearly as much time to dick around as i've had in the past, so i basically manage to stay out of trouble. on the downside, there's been a marked decrease in my chatting, catching up on emails, practicing w/ photoshop and perfecting my ms paint skills, sending my friends falsified thank you notes and other bogus correspondence, etc., etc., etc... in other words, i don't get to have much fun anymore. boo hiss. i'm hoping this will pass once the weather gets warm and the men in charge are always out of the office. it's about time i started hitting pasta plus at least once a week. she always gives me free jello salad. i love her.

why can't i find any hall and oates on soulseek? it's like, pre-indie rock, right? i mean, let's go, people! stop trying to find your destiny on myspace and get to collecting late-70s/early-80s adult contemporary hits! that's what the ladies really like.

my boss just gave me his hashbrown, it's extra salty and a little too greasy for me to continue typing nonsense. see you all in hell.

cadbury creme eggs are now available in all your favorite convenience stores, and are also now in danger of being eaten by me. look out, delicious chocolatey sugary creamy confection! i cannot be held responsible for my actions, you are just too irresistably tasty.

man i love easter, the candy is the best. i'll have to go to the greek pasca service again and smash some eggs, that was good fun, and the eggs tasted great, of course.

close call this morning, i left my keys in z's car and didn't realize it--he got all the way to work before he noticed them on the seat. luckily, his dad's a really nice guy (who also makes a really really good steak!) and brought them over to the house for me. disaster averted.

hey i pre-ordered two copies of WIZARDS on dvd. one for me, one for dad. he'll be excited. we were just talking yesterday about how we'd both like to own it, and today amazon sent me an email telling me it's coming out in may. so that's good.

dad and amy loved george. amy kept saying (to dad, as we all sat around in the basement,) "honey, doesn't he look great down here? it's like this basement was built for a great dane!" she did get a little freaked out when he nibbled her inner thigh during a frenzied game of tag, but she quickly recovered. we all ate pizza and amy made cupcakes with homemade caro syrup icing and a great time was had by all.

and i forgot to put the trash out last night, dammit all to hell. i always forget that.

alright, it's the weekend. everyone's going out of town, it seems, and also, i'm broke, so it'll be a lazy one. not that i mind; you see, home is pretty much the only place i find myself wanting to be lately. and to think i once hated this town so much that i would've given cunnilingus to teresa isaac to get out. i still think the town sucks, don't get me wrong. but this little chunk of it, this cute little house in this nice little neighborhood--it definitely makes it a lot easier to deal with. and i'm still getting out of here, i'm just in no sort of rush to do it now...there's plenty of time for all of this shit to come together, as it always seems to do...

big double date action tonight at my favorite podunk restaurant.

hehe. i go on dates. how weird is that?

okay then, enjoy the weekend, everyone.

i'm picking out a thermos for you.

wow so it turns out dean knows the dude who painted that there picture of jebus. and he lives in versailles. and i think i hear god telling me to buy the t-shirt.

what a shit day. but it's almost over. at 4:30, i head over to m&e's for free drinks purchased by a super-hot (married) older dude. nothing crazy, you know, just some drinks...

really, he's gonna try to sell me life insurance. although it is only twenty bucks a month, i've already decided to pass, because i figure i can buy about four bottles of really cheap wine with twenty bucks a month, and at this point, i think we all know where my priorities are.

but he sure is super-hot.

good thing zack never reads this, he'd be all jealous and stuff.

or not, he's not really like that.

fuckity duck. i'm outta here. word to yer muther.

good god i've had a lot of sugar and dairy products this morning. i'm very full and very sleepy, which is unfortunate--i've got a busy day planned.

so there could in the very near future be an addition to the bloompsey house... the boy seems pretty serious about getting another dane. not a puppy this time, a full-size two-year old. my emotions are mixed, as i firmly believe that the house is too small for such enormous endeavors, but i also think george would love a buddy. if he does go through with it, i'll lobby for a female (who will apparently be named martha) to even out the ratio. i'm not even pretending to have a say in it, and really, i love big dawgs, so i'm sure that i'll end up loving the shit out of ol' martha anyway. i'm pretty sure his mind's made up, so everyone, get ready for the zoo! if he gets a boy dog, he says he'll name him tony. like tony, the yodeling shetland pony. i think that's pretty funny.

we're gonna take the beast up to dad's this weekend. amy (dad's wife) seems to have this fantasy about running through fields and on beaches with george, just her and the dog, running wild and free. she can't wait to meet him. i kinda like showing him off, or at least being associated with him in public. whenever we go anywhere and leave him in the truck, he just sits in the back with his head out the window and barks until we get back. you can find the truck pretty easily just by following that bellow. and it never fails...once you get there, there are at least five people crowded around (but at safe enough distance, of course) pointing at him and thinking he's great. and he is.

blah blah. now i will work. it's sunny out, maybe that'll make the day go faster... or... something...

"You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say...

'I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.'

There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that."

just in case you weren't checking up...jake has made contact. that crazy mexican--i just love him.

because i haven't had a picture of a dildo up here in at least a week...

so what should i get from pops for my birthday this year? here is the annotated list of options:

• stupendous digital camera
• plants/flowers/veggies for my yard/garden*
• "young professional" costume allowance
• mp3 or minidisc player
• a trip to the dentist
• cash money

that's all i can think of right now. there's other stuff that's crossed my mind in the last few months, but i'm not remembering it right this second. i'll go get some tapioca pudding to get my brain in gear. or maybe some jello. yeah, jello.

* boom, you might could help me out with this one...

weekend. yes. went too fast, as usual. i spent yesterday either curled up in a ball asleep somewhere (including the couch, both beds, and the bathroom floor) or with my head in the toilet (though i never did quite manage to hurl). who knows what this new mysterious illness was; i'm feeling much better today, so i'll pretend as if it never happened. it was almost as if i'd grown a new appendix and now this one was ready to come out, too.

first full work week in almost a month. how ever will i do it?

it worked! i got my money back and i got a free t-shirt. size small. woot woot.

and i still haven't finished a single thing that i was supposed to do today. there are still a few hours left, i suppose.

why don't girl scouts ever knock on my door? i haven't seen a real-life girl scout in years. wtf? i'm craving samoas, and i don't have a clue where to get them.

march forth! i command thee!

i'm drawing some serious blanks when it comes to "clever" things to say about podunk banks. my job is a sham. and today i have to go to the bank and do a little subdesk maintenance to see about getting some of my money back. freaking usurers. taking advantage of the poor, weak masses. it's a shame. i guess i ought to say "thank you, christianity!"

i know i sound a little grumbly, but really i'm not. the weekend's too close for me to be grumbly. i suppose it sort of starts tonight with some mild-mannered celebrating for the passing of the test. i will also be celebrating the end of my recent illness(es) by exposing my body to lots of horrendous toxins. i can't wait!

i've been having some really crazy weird dreams the last couple of days. last night it was the dead rabbits that steve was bringing into the house, the night before it was me watering the plants with gallons of sudsy water and thinking nothing of it. boomer the plant sexpert was there and she was like "oh no no no that's not how you do it!"

and i've been having a hard time lately discerning between what's dream and what's actually happened. *sigh.*

drogas.

well my pink eye is no longer so pink, though it itches profusely. i think the worst is over. i'm back at work and in full-swing, if there is such a thing...still on speed, still feelin' quite discombobulated, and wondering if my self-diagnosed sinus infection could in fact be some kind of gesticular disease, or maybe fluvian by-proxy of the ulnus, or perhaps flobarts syndrome. i'm checking into all of these possibilities. all i know is, i'd better be healthy enough to drink a whole lot tomorrow. it's graduation day for a certain explosively gifted roomie tomorrow. he intends to celebrate, and i intend to help him.

there's a car in the parking lot with an entire beach scene recreated on the dash. sand, palm trees, fake waves, surfers and hula girls, glow in the dark stars, glitter, and even jesus. i saw this and simultaneously thought "holy shit what a moron!" and "i should totally do that!"

must. write. stupid. scripts.

and also obtain new trans am album via the superweb. if possible.

hostess "golden cupcakes"=chocolate frosted twinkies=delicious.

5:38 and all is well...two good simpsons episodes in a row, and soon enough i'll be headed over to boomalicious's house for glorious communal televisioning. i'm not sure if i'll eat, since my stomach feels like it's full of snakes (see i told you i was tripping). i did get to go take my nice long drive, with my lost and found dianogah cd and the windows down and the sunroof open. it's like as soon as it's 60 degrees i sprout little buds from my limbs and i get a few millimeters taller and i can even tolerate traffic on southland drive at four in the afternoon. hoorah for spring!

okay, taking a break. let me take this opportunity to tell you how royally fucked up i have been since 1:30pm yesterday afternoon. i got this wicked good guaifenesin stuff that's doing its job as it should, helping me to expell the nasties from within my froat. but there ARE side effects. the bottle is rife with warnings, including one that says "may cause dizziness" with this weird spinning eye graphic thing next to it. what it should say is "may make you feel like you're on three hits of acid," at least, that's what it's done to me. i'm seeing spots, my hands are shaking uncontrollably, i can feel my breath, man! my eyes keep darting around the room, i can't even keep them focused on this screen for too long, and all i really wanna do is smoke, smoke, smoke. so yeah, this shit's awesome! every time i stand up, everything goes black for just a split second and i can hear the blood rushing through my veins, but then it all comes back into focus and i'm alright. no passing out for me today, not if i can help it. i've got my trusty mountain dew and some delicious candy just in case it gets beyond that sadistically enjoyable stage. i wanna go drive around or something. i think once the mens-in-charge return from their respective feedings, i shalt bolt out yon door and make haste to ye olde homestead, where i plan to try to keep my beloved pets from contracting kitty-itus. and also, i will joust.

i think i love pinkeye.

well, not exactly.

i mean, don't get me wrong, it's an annoying thing to have. it itches, it stings a little, i can't see anything but blur out of my left eye. but really, yesterday was just a free day off for me, an unexpected three day weekend filled with movie watching and macaroni eating. and all i have to do is itch a little and squint? no problem.

as for you tucker, please don't feel responsible. these things happen. if anything, i think i'd like to thank you. i'd much prefer a day off as opposed to sitting in this hellhole for 8 hours on a monday...and, to make things even better, zack got a half day on account of the rain, so i had a movie watching macaroni eating accomplice. true, i have successfully transmitted the itus to him now, but i think he's okay with it. he's pretty calm about most things, which pleases me to no end.

alright, well, i've got plenty to say, but i'm trying to work work work cuz there's a rumor that they're gonna let me go home early. i think they're freaked out. gerald's been chasing me around with a can of lysol all day. so yeah, here i go, off to work, see ya later, take it easy, all that shit.

well hello. i'm at home, doctors orders...but this time, it's not some horrid coughing and sniffling type thing. nosir, this time, i'm home cuz i've got pinkeye.

woke up this morning and my left eye was nicely crusted shut, went straight to the doctor and got myself a written excuse. yip! so once again, it's daytime tv and laziness! true, i feel a little bit like a leper, but i'll take a day off anytime.

i have so much stuff i wanna write about. i'm like, overflowing with words and thoughts and stuff right now. it's really kind of nice. the creative juices have been flowing, i've had lots more mental and physical energy lately, it's just this whirl of novelty and action. there is SO much i'd like to say, in fact, that i spent my hour and a half in the waiting room jotting things down in my hastily thrown together homemade notebook. i can't hope or expect to get to it all today (though i don't have much else to do, i guess), and you'd get bored reading it all anyway...

let's begin, shall we?

first of all, i'll tell you a little about the weekend. mostly for my own reflective purposes. it was good. the weather was lovely, and i tried to take advantage of it, at least a little. yesterday, i gave ol' mandrake a bath (the car, people) in my own driveway! it was so great! no crackheads stumbling around, no cops on the corner. i love living in a homey residential neighborhood where kids just roam up and down the street all day and into the night. so yeah, my car is clean and beautiful, inside and out, and i think she's happy about it, she started up this morning without hesitation (lately, she's been quite fussy about that). i also spent some time at the dog park with zack and george and zack's parents' dog max. sniffathon 2003. lots of dogs running around putting their noses into each others butts and chasing each other in circles. it was fun. i even got some exercise! as we were leaving, george and i sprinted 50 yards or so. amazing.

oh yeah, saturday! went to lynaghs with the whole crew, we pretty much filled the entire downstairs. everyone came out to wish jacob well, and a good (drunk) time was had by all. i wish there were more pictures, but i became oblivious to the camera situation after my third makers and coke. afterwards, it was off to cheryl inn for jousting and carrying on, and, most memorably, Mandy vs. Becky: Round III. man, i didn't even know she was there yet, all i felt was someone assaulting me from behind, trying to force my bourbon filled body down to the ground, and i just reacted. it's the most instinctual moment i've experienced in a long, long while. i felt threatened. i felt defensive. i felt exhilirated! without even thinking, i grabbed my assailant and went for the kill. and then i realized it was boomer. by then, it was too late. it was on. i was prepared for a fight to the death! but she started feelin' spinny, i guess, and i went ahead and let her off the hook. she's lucky. i was like an animal. who knows what might've happened.

ha!

speaking of animals, lemme update you on the kittens. they're wickedly happy here, no longer displaying the semi-depressed behaviors that were getting out of hand down in the ghetto. steve is out more than he's in. yesterday he spent probably 20 hours roaming around the neighborhood, laying on the porch, etc. he's lost some weight...not much yet, maybe a pound or so, but it's a start. he'll be all svelt soon and i'll start entering him into contests to appear in sexy kitty calendars or something. the children of the neighborhood have taken a liking to him. i hear them yelling "steve! steve!" as they chase him through my yard and theirs, trying to poke them with their sticks. he seems to like it enough. molly's actually changed even more, it's been awesome. she's got so many places to go here, rooms that no one ever goes into, closets with shelves and corners and quiet and darkness. she's obsessed with the shower and spends at least an hour after either of us showers standing in the tub meowing happily. we're working on getting her outside, it's coming along slowly. she's pretty much okay with the backyard for short stints. the front is a different story--the cars and kids freak her out quite a bit. the thing is, i really don't think she ever had any experience with the out-of-doors until now. i got her when she was almost too young, and i know for a fact that she spent the first few weeks of her life curled up trembling in a ball underneath nate's mom's couch. for the last two years, she's been an indoor cat. yeah, one time crazy laura let her out at mlk, but not for long, and i think she stayed right at the door. anyway, now she can go out whenever she'd like. i love watching her take two tiny little careful steps forward and then three or four back as soon as the door creaks or a twig breaks or a bird chirps. she's never seen any of this stuff, really. she used to be fascinated with the shitty pigeons outside my old bedroom window, but never saw them in the flesh. yesterday was pretty windy, and she got two steps outside and just stopped, completely captivated by Plain-Old Wind. she loves it. and if you watch, you can see her getting up the gumption to just run. just take a few quick steps and she's off the porch, under a bush, under the porch, under the house...

and now i've rambled for days about my cats. sorry. i like them.

so i guess that's enough for now. i'm going to eat some more of my delicious homemade macaroni and cheese and watch days of our lives. no one's even noticed that ever since everyone started dying, marlena's been wearing black clothes and nothing else. it's details like this that you can't overlook! i should be some sort of detective.

i think we need a picture to break up all this wordy, but you'll also need some background info.

this is wilma:



i had a dream last night, i was at this bar with some friends and i look at this booth in the back and one of my ex boyfriends is there with this girl named DaTanda (da-TAHN-da), and i can hear their conversation...he seemed to be talking her ear off trying to impress her and she seemed a little bored. anyway, she looked a whole lot like wilma, only with long hair. it was hilarious.

and now, macaroni and cheese be callin' my name. i will bore you more later, i promise.