ye olde crapfest

you like my muscles?

psst... don't forget the back view!

i started this whole blog thing back during the second rjx phase; he started his, and i guess i just wanted to see what all the hoopla was about. at that time, i also considered myself to be a comical genius, and i figured that between my friends and me, we could create the most hysterically inventive thing ever to grace the superweb. i signed up megan p, unhitched mix, and j-bun howerton thinking that the four of us, our powers combined, should be able to entertain the crap out of the masses. the trouble was, i ended up using it sort of as a journally-thing, i was rarely able to come up with anything to talk about, much less funny stuff, because i was way too preoccupied with emotional drama and...well, basically...crap. and no one else really ever got into posting things. sure, there was episode I: life!--an incredibly good idea that just never panned out (but shit, some of it's funny), but even that eventually ended up being plain old lame.

anyway, that was the original crapfest. it was blue, remember? i deleted it at the end of the third rjx phase, on a wine-induced whim. i was feeling sorry for myself and reading through the entries from the past year of my life, feeling like all of it meant nothing and it wouldn't matter if it disappeared for all eternity. i read the stuff and realized that there wasn't a whole lot to it, except for vague references to the crap that was plaguing my life at any given time. i also realized that, at some point over the last few years, i had become categorically "unfunny." sure, i can still tell a story "with the velveteen touch of a dandy fop," but in truth, it just feels like i've lost the touch. something's not the same.

someone once suggested that perhaps my humor is more of an interpersonal humor. i do well with people, in person, interacting and playing off of my surroundings. perhaps this is true; i don't know, it's hard for me not to feel self-conscious in those situations, too. i'm not sure what it is.

anyways, the old crapfest disappeared, and it was "crapfest 2: the return of the brigade patrol goes to hollywood." bright new colors! no more sad sappy sorry stuff! a new leaf! yeah, that didn't really last too long. i managed to let my insane personal life get in the way there, too. read the archives, you'll see. it's all that vague stuff that doesn't make much sense to the general public. yeah, that stuff.

i blog because i sit in front of a computer all day. eight hours to kill, two hours of work to do--you do the math. i'm growing VERY VERY TIRED of sitting in front of a computer all day. some people love it; thrive, even. i've had enough silly fights--about fucking friendster, instant messages taken the wrong way, various superweb bad-mouthing sessions gone wrong--to make me think maybe it's time for a break. i mean, eventually, you have to stop checking your ex-boyfriend's website every damn day, right?

this town is weighing me down. it has been for years. i'm more than fed up with the predictability of it all--knowing i can't go to one place or another without the overwhelming probability of seeing this person or that clique or whatever. i suppose it's just not what i need right now. or ever, who knows. i was going to leave around this time last year, but that didn't happen--call it forces of nature. i've learned a lot in the last year, some of it good, some of it bad, some of it necessary. let's itemize:

• i AM a girl after all. imagine that.
• i am capable of breaking old habits
• people are gonna do what they're gonna do, regardless of how you feel about it, or them, for that matter...
• my friends kick ass
• i do not enjoy watching old people get it on
• "forever" = about three months
• honesty really is the best policy, jebus wasn't kidding
• there are good dudes out there after all
• cats die
• people leave
• never get comfortable, that's when things really start getting crazy
• if you fart at any time during the bukkake, you have to start all over
• i love too much
• i require too much love
• i need to do something completely different with my life

it's really scary, i'm having trouble just getting the energy to talk to people or do the everyday stuff i have to do. my appetite's way off kilter, i can't sleep (god knows it's ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO), and i feel this enormous pressure sitting squarely atop my head, shoulders, and chest.

i am free to go. so i think i'm going.

but i'll be taking baby steps. no sense in being totally drastic about it; it just doesn't seem right to rush and make emotionally-super-charged decisions.

baby step number one: systematic removal from my j-o-b, and also from this blasted superweb.

this is the end of the crapfest. it was fun, sometimes, but it's just not anymore. i could change my mind, i don't know. if you really miss me, feel free to get crazy on the archives; there's tons of stuff there from way back that i'm sure you've forgotten all about. i won't delete it this time around--there's a lot of stuff there that makes me feel kinda warm and fuzzy, reminders of good stuff that's happened lately, and even some things that are laugh out loud funny, at least to me... and don't forget all of the ellipses! so many ellipses!

chris's blog led to my blog led to many other blogs, and it's cool how we've created this mini lex-vegas community to keep us occupied in the lean times. but i think i'm done with it.

i may post links from time to time, but as far as personal stuff and the rest of it goes, i'm going to figure out some other ways to express myself. like hooking.

to those eight or ten of you who look at this site every day, thanks, you're my buddies. to those hundreds of people who got here looking for "horsepenis," you're sick.

i'm out. it's gonna be a few months of off-the-wall nutso roller coaster action. i love roller coasters, but still, there's always that little voice in the back of my head that screams "get the fuck off of this thing, are you crazy you are totally going to die!!!!!!" but they keep you strapped in, so once you get going, there IS no getting off.

i just gotta get strapped in.

wish me luck.

i'm having another "i wanna quit blogging" freak out.

i apologize. i'll be back when i've got something to say.

haha, drunk posting. not usually my thing, but hey, there's a time for everything...

so i'm sitting here completely straight-faced, sitting, and in my head there's this cacophany of simultaneous hysterical laughter and hysterical sobbing, it's loud as fuck and all i can think to do is sit down and FUCKING BLOG ABOUT IT.

i really wish i could just get a grip on something and maintain my fucking grip. what's so hard about that?

elliot smith is depressing, even when it's just on the soundtrack to some movie you're half-ass watching on TBS.

do i live in some sort of hollywood movie? is that what's going on here? i mean, seriously.

well, what else? i had an okay weekend. saw jism AND shuster, that could make any weekend... otherwise, there's the stuff and the things and the shit and the stuff... you know.

blah. later on, then...

greetings, people of earth. here i am, rock me like a hurricane.

i spent some time murdering fleas this morning. the fuckers were crawling all over george, so i brushed him like mad. then they were crawling all over the brush, so i soaked it real good in some bleach. real good. funny thing is, fleas are apparently also "the undead," as the half hour immersion in bleach didn't kill them all. some gave up--the weak ones, obviously. others, the more tenacious ones, hung on during the deluge and once the water was off, they were back to jumping and being disgusting little fucking things. so i did what any sane person would do, i smashed them and then burned them.

so that was my morning. oh yeah, i also jogged. i've been doing that lately--jogging in the morning. i'm trying to keep my girlish figure so whoever i'm with at any given time doesn't desert me for a lithe young teen. also, the jogging is much more fun than watching podunk news.

i get to go home soon, or at least that's the word on the street. three and a half- day weekend! funny part is, they're sending me home sort of as "punishment" for being such a worthless p.o.s. the last few days... seems one of the bosses got curious as to what i've been up to and checked out my internet exploder history. so, of course, the logical thing to do is to call me and say

"alright, we're gonna send you home early tomorrow."
"um, okay?"
"alright."

well, i still get paid the same amount, so... um... wtf?

i can watch BOTH days of our lives AND passions today, yeehah! i waited for weeks while the olympics pre-empted my usual lunch fantasy world, and it was sooo worth it! last i checked, roman was "on his deathbed" having been "impaled in the foot by a spear," but had just enough energy left to make sweet love to marlena one last glorious time. and then there's passions, where the incest has finally come to light! it only took five years! i mean, i was pretty sure i had it figured out. there's one black family in town, if you're a black dude coming to that town to find your long lost parents and you end up bumping uglies with one of the only black family in town's daughters...odds are pretty good that you're doing your sister. and she's pregnant! GASP!

well, fuck all. let's get drunk this weekend, what say you?

in love and christ,

cmdrslappy, lord of the infidels

you don't have to go home, but you can't. stay. here.

sorry, had to do it.

anyway, here's my impression of shamsway lately...

"bigkat bigkat bigkat bigkat bigkat bigkat...aaaaand i'm logging out."

thank you, thank you very much.

karla, shut up. just shut up.

and with that, i'm out.

morning, all. i just realized that the car i make fun of every day, the mercury something-or-other with the wal-mart rims and the HUS-LRZ license plate, really belongs to bob, the seminary attending, father of two white-as-can-be dude who rents out one of our offices. that's funny to me.

i got this idea this morning to start a karla blog. dedicated solely to the escapades of lu-lu the world's most nerve-destroying co-worker. it would take some serious attention to detail, but it could be done. i'd want to keep track of her arrival time everyday, that's comedy in itself...and many of our conversations would need to be recorded for transcription purposes. paraphrasing just doesn't get all of the nuances sometimes, you know? and there could be an "ILLNESS OF THE DAY" report, a "LAME EXCUSE OF THE DAY" column, and updates on "THE LATEST GUY TO AVOID MY LATENIGHT EIGHTH GRADE CHATFEST PHONE CALLS." what a great idea. if only i had a team of dedicated lackeys to help me, and if only all of you knew this woman so you could fully understand my plight.

but alas, it's just another thing that i prolly won't do. just like the miniature donkey rescue service, the ice-cream delivery store and finally achieving full-on @n@l p3n3tr@tion. though, we're working hard at that one, so maybe someday.

fuck i'm bored. somebody do something, quick!

it was weeks ago, yes, but still... some great pictures from the fun and games of the truckasaurus rebex 25th anniversary extravaganza.








and who could forget the awesome cakes?!?! "they're looking-at cakes, not eating cakes."



and one more of mr. charles, just for good measure.



i'll write some stuff later. right now, i'm 'putered out.