ye olde crapfest

i met my boss steve's old college roommate today. he's a hip black dude, tall--circus tall, just like steve. he currently works in nyc as an agent-type dude for people like be-yon-say and bran-dee, and is like best buddies with be-yon-say's dad.

but i digress...

he gave me a little information on steve (who likes to call himself "big daddy," because i guess he needs to do that) which i've found quite invaluable, and many of you will enjoy it as much as i did.

so, back in the college years, big daddy drove a black camaro. an 80s one with the vented back windshield. it had gold trim, and some bitchin' tires. best part? oh, the custom gold trim that said "steve" right above the door handles, flanked by fire and wings. oh lord man, that is good stuff.

i wanted to make a picture, to capture the greatness of this image, but a google search for black camaros just turned up pictures of the cool body styled ones. so i made do... and i couldn't get too detailed with the fire and wings, but you get the picture.



i hope he also had a white-boy man-perm.

dang. so work is total suck. technically, some things got "done" while i was gone, but unfortunately they got done totally wrong. the new girl did nothing, which is exactly according to her instructions from me--i'm glad for that. no no, just the one boss managed to screw up three or four different things, and this morning i got a few "oopsies" from him. "oopsies." right. dude, you've got to be kidding me.

anyway, my mouth seems to be healing, though i may have gotten the dreaded dry socket...it's hard to tell, really, cuz it hurts but not like, ungodly hurty pain as many say the dry sockets bring. but i'm smoking. damn smoker, i am. they just smelled so very good all day monday when i couldn't have one, that once tuesday morning came i jumped at the chance to light one up. i prolly ought to cut it out, at least until the dull throbbing stops.

it's a really nice day, and i left work at 2, citing a headache and general tiredness due to the drugs and lack of sleep... everyone else is out golfing, so it's not as if they can really say shit. i'm about to change out of my young professional costume and into my homebody gardener uniform so that when z gets home we'll be able to maximize the sunshine and plant all of these lily bulbs. pretty pretty, i hope they actually bloom.

i still can't eat shit. well, not that i want to literally eat "shit," but i'd like to have an option to eat more than runny fluid-esque foodstuffs. like, a cheeseburger from maggotdonalds would totally rock my world right now. to the max. but i will settle for whatever's mushy, i suppose. at least for another day or so and then i'm gonna get crazy on some ground soy beef and little onions. mmmmmm, little onions.

wish i had more to talk about. perhaps in the future. perhaps.

oh, and thanks to everyone who called, wrote, commented, etc. for the berfday thang. thanks to t-bone for the KICKASS belt buckle, thanks to reebs for the card featuring a kitten that you shouldn't eat, thanks to rjx for the good smelly things, thanks to z for the thought, cuz that's what counts, and most of all, thanks be to cod for all of the fantabulous blessings bestowed upon the land. if i left anyone out, i'm sorry, twas not intentional. i'm swedish, that's my excuse.

the plan is to party-it-up this weekend, in belated birthday fashion. i'm looking forward to that, skeleton style.

yo yo yo. just sittin' here with ice on my cheeks, waiting for the most recent percosetesque thing to kick in so that maybe, just maybe i can finally eat some of the ginormous bowls of jello i made this morning. i mixed up peach and apricot, it looks soooo tasty. z just went to get me some more gauze, wait, no he just got back. haven't had a cig since 8am, but man oh man do i want one. i still plan to try not to, even tomorrow when the doc said i could. but we'll see how that goes.

i slept all morning into the early afternoon, but now i'm quite awake, not really feeling so bad except for my lower left jaw where the cutting happened. it's definitely hurty, to say the least.

but enough about that.

um, other things that have been happening include: new girl at work! yay! she started last friday part-time, but i won't see her again until next week cuz she's going to bristol w/ her bf for nascar action. she's really nice, so i'm not gonna hold that against her ;) i've really missed having someone to sit up front with, but it's gonna be lots of work getting her all set up and fixing some of the stuff i'd nig-rigged for my own lazy purposes. oh well, it's all for the best.

this weekend was really nice, and very very productive! friday night, z's mom and dad cooked me birthday dinner--filets and grilled asparagus and baked potatoes and sauteed portobellos. yum! and they gave me birthday money, also very nice of them. after dinner we stuck around long enough to watch duke get beat. you suck, duke! then we went home to watch the kentucky game, of which we made it through exactly half. woke up on the couch all drooly (both of us, that is) and mosied upstairs to finish the night out. not that we had much time, cuz our new windows were coming at 8 am the next morning and we had to be up. but we made it up. anyway, the new windows kick much ass, mostly because they are clean. the storm doors are coming tomorrow. what else what else. well, saturday after the window men started, we left to visit nad yespoc (aka my dad for those unfamiliar with my many and various nicknames for each other), played his "new" (from ebay) atari 2600 for and hour or so, colored easter eggs and went out for mexican. we then left there, cuz z was meeting up with some workfolks for pool and what turned out to be gin-stravaganza 2005. let's just say that when the alarm went off at 7:30 the next morning, z was 100% still drunk. and we had to get ready for church. hehe. it went okay, as best as it could've i guess. after the service, ma bl00mfi3ld made some creamed eggs on toast with bacon (don't even ask, it's the best shit ever) and sunday morning hot bread and we ate it up. went to see z's grandmother in the old folks home, where i had a very old man tell me he loved me twice and then walked thru the little private room we'd retreated to saying "oooh my gahd. OH lord." and looking at me and shaking his head, and we all seemed to agree that he was being a creepy old dude in a sexual type way. it was unsettling, yet comical. you know how that goes.

shooo, so that was sunday (except for the rest of it, which we spent laying on the couch watching movies). got up this morning, went to work and got my paycheck, and then headed to the doctist (the doctor dentist). so you're caught up now. i'll try to blog some more later, iffin' i can.

funasaurus maximus, signing out. cheerio.

i just love people who throw big or obscure words around to sound cool. freakin' gaylords. i on the other hand, throw big or obscure words around for poetic reasons. i speak in iambic pentameter, just in case you all hadn't noticed.

anywho, the weekend is over. i am making a sad face. let's review then. friday, i ate filet mignon--it was delicious. saturday, z and i went to a number of assorted home and garden-type retailers, browsing through and sometimes purchasing things for the house. we're like, old and stuff. saturday night, as you may already be aware, i drank way too much wine and ended up diddlin' around on the computer at 2am. you may call me a loser, i don't care. sunday, ern and i went to the mall for entirely too long, and i spent a lot of money. i had good intentions, really. you see, my buddy victoria, who has a secret, sent me $10 in birthday money for being such a loyal customer. i could not in good conscience let that free birthday money go unspent! so 10 free birthday bucks turned into me charging 70 bucks worth of stuff that no one will ever see. and you can't just go to one store, oh no. especially not when ern is there and every store has nine million tank tops in assorted shapes and colors.

so i guess that covers it all. i am currently just chillaxing after a busy morning of "office managing," waiting for 4:30 to come so i can sneak outta here. tonight my plans include eating a ridiculous amount of girl scout cookies and changing the cat litter.

i hope you're all having an exorbitantly propitious day!

heh.

it's been a while since i drunkj posted. drunk posted/ drunk posted.

yes, a bottle of wine between the hours of 8 and 10, all to myself, save for two sips which were donated to the cause (z needed to wash down some crackers). i don't drink much lately, so i've
kind of gotten spinny. very very spinny. one eye is open and the other is totally asleep. you know what i'm saying?

anyway, here's a nice picture of what tomorrow morning's breakfast may or may not have looked like at some point in the past. thank you, mr. piggy. you go good with cinnamon rolls.



and also,k i'm thinking about planting a bunch of shit in theh yard, but i'm not sure if i'm ready to commit to anyting that heavy just yet. i'd hate to put all that effort into it and just have to leave for some random reason. rhododendrons. peachy orangish ones. i like 'em.

i'm beginning to think the best time to post is during the early hours of the mornin', wherein i am lounging around in my robe and waiting until the last possible second to get dressed and go to work. to my credit, today was Day One of my new "regime," which involves getting up when the boy does (5 effin 30, people) and actually leaving the house for a quick walk/run/jog/stroll thing. eventually, it may become a standard run/jog thing, once i get all the lazies out. the weather's getting better, the sun's out lately, and frankly, i could use some hardening in the muscular areas.

so there you have it. i'm a runner now. and there's a plan in the works that involves two people living in this house simultaneously quitting with the smoking of the cigs. not cold turkey, oh no no no, we're both way too in love with the nicotine. we'll be trying the gum or the patch or something, whichever has a better looking package at the store, most likely. yes, beginning the day of the wisdom extraction, we'll be raging nic-fitting lunatics. we're kind of resigned to the idea that we'll be even bigger p0th3ads for a time--you know, to like counter-balance the raging lunacy--which hopefully will ease the transition. wish us luck.

in other news, the next month or so is shaping up to be quite fun. this weekend, we prepare for a camping hootenany, to occur next weekend (yeeees, easter weekend--sorry jeebus, can't make it to church this year) in some undisclosed virginia forest with lots and lots of camping-out-of-the-car type goodies. if all goes according to the plan, there will be quite a few of us in attendance, a virtual ewok village 2000 if you will.

so that's next weekend, after friday night's birthday dinner extravaganza at z's parents' house. they're gonna make me whatever i want, provided that whatever i want is not too fat-laden or full of butter. um... yeah. anyone who knows me will know right away--this could be a very difficult decision for the sausage and bacon and fat-loving slappy. i suppose i can make do.

upon our return from "the gathering," i will begin preparations for the wisdom extraction, which i'm hoping will go swimmingly, leaving me with little pain and uncomfortability and thus maximizing my fun whilst not working. z's got the day of the surgery off (i didn't even have to ask him, how sweet is that) to wipe the drool from my face, neck and chest. i plan to drool a lot. my actual 25th birthday will be spent at home, alone, with nothing to keep me company but glorious daytime television (lord i miss the college years, and all of the daytime television i had at my fingertips) and the fuzzy memories of the first quarter of my life. joy.

moving on, i'd better be right back up to snuff come the first weekend in april, cuz jism's coming to town! he needs a break, i can tell. that boy's busier than anyone i know and deserves some lex-vegas brand boring-time "fun." he doesn't know this yet, but we're going to see sin city, which had better be as cool as it looks. cuz it looks soooooooo cool.

so, that's what's up with me. oh, and there's The Secret Plan. but that's a secret.

i'm gonna shower now. my l'oreal kids brand orange mango smoothie shampoo be calling my name. it gets the tangles out and doesn't sting my eyes! neat-o!

i have an enlarged groinular (ha!) lymph node. the internet tells me that this is not good. it's been like this for a long time, i just never remember to make the doctor check it out. now i'm all paranoid. i don't wanna pay for another doctor's visit, so if anyone who knows what they're looking for would like to help a yatch out by rubbing on her groinular area, please hit me up.

i'm being totally serious, so all you dirties can just forget about it. i just can't think of anyone i know that can doctor or nurse me. WAIT! ERN! i'm calling her now...

in other news, my bathing suit was too big on the top but just right on the bottom. of course, they won't let me exchange just the top. of course. THIS IS AMERICA, PEOPLE! GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR I WILL STOMP MY FEET AND SHIT!

you'd think that having the office to myself for three glorious days would be a good thing. not so, my friends, not so. in fact, the phones didn't stop ringing yesterday, eight things got all fugged up and i alone can't fix them, and to top it all off, one of the bosses cussed out the president of a company we work very closely with on friday afternoon, ensuring that i had a Big Huge Gigantic Mess to deal with on monday morning. i did, however, manage to get my ass over to the AsianLadyNailShop across the way, where i received my first ever manicure (the french kind, even!). i am one step closer to p0rn st@r.

anyways, it's real early in the morning and i'm drawing many blanks. all i can think to tell you is that i beat zuma, i'm anxiously awaiting a bathing suit delivery sometime today or hopefully tomorrow at the latest (pleeeease fit), and in exactly two weeks, i will turn 25 (and most likely die of complications from old age). the day before my bday, i'll be getting my three remaining wisdom teeth out. i'm pretty sure that's where i get my smarts from, so as soon as they're gone i'm gonna get a job at subway. squirtin' copious amounts of mustard all over everything and jugglin' meatballs and shit.

alright, shower time. have a lovely tuesday everyone. i'll hopefully get some downtime today... maybe i should just unplug the phones and tell the bosses we had some sort of meltdown or something. and then i'll leave and spend the day at big lots.

whoever spams the shit out of my hotmail account seems to think my name is "nancy cunningham."

"Enl0ngen Your W0ng, Nancy Cunningham!"
(email for: "viagira")

"Make Your S1ster Haoppy 2day Nancy Cunningham!"
(email for: "cheep v1c0d1n")

"B1oterrorism Threats?SARS? Nancy Cunningham, don't Wait, Act Now!"
(email for: dunno, it had a picture of some pornstar in a nurse costume holding a syringe, i didn't bother reading it)

perhaps when i compose my life's work (tentatively titled Suck It: An Instructional Memoir), i'll use "nancy cunningham" as my pen name. either that or "tessical howerton." it's a tough call.

quick shoutout to ross mcf, who apparently stumbled upon the fest at some point... people are actually reading this! i mean, besides the normal five or six of ya'. ross, i tried to find a way to email you or something, but to no avail. thanks for the niceness and the link... i've gotten quite a few extra hits thanks to you. hit a bitch up, if you feel like it.

so anyway, i had two big fat petron margaritas with lunch today, courtesy of the (good) boss man. it's been a while since i imbibed the alky-hall, and thus, i am appropriately buzzed. so, who wants to come up to my office and make some prank calls?

heh, i've been thinking... if i were to try to categorize the crapfest kinda like dooce does, i'd probably organize it based on the first word of each post, namely, "yeah," "so anyway," and "yo."

weekend, people... weekend. buffalo chili, here i come.

i'd like to wish a happy birthing day to count kristoff von zuprek, who is turning twoty-six today. march forth! business-class hookers await thee in the promised land! hope cali's been fun.

hey girl who called me the other night wanting to know if taco bell took credit cards. guess what?!?!. and this kid lives in harrodsburg, so it ain't just in the big city. today is a good day.

if anyone's been on the receiving end of it, i apologize. i was growling at some random in the car today, using lots of expletives, etc., and realized i was hatin' on some poor person i didn't even know, just cuz i'm a grumpy bunny. that ain't cool!

so, i'm turning over a new leaf this afternoon, in hopes of having a superfuntastic weekend with no smartass remarks, witty barbs, or ego anihillation to speak of.

feel it, feel it... feel the vibrations.

rodan, indeed.

so, the above quote has nothing to do with anything that i am about to say.

moving on...

the internet is a stupid, stupid place. just so you know. but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't continue to use it. as an outlet for our stupidity and such.

i was gonna try to blog about my ex-hippy boyfriend from the fifteen-years-olden days, whom i've recently taken to referring to as "Mandude Dudeman," whom some of you highschool buddies may remember more appropriately as "Donnie from Shawnee," though his name wasn't Donnie, either. anyway, i had this great story about how he was really dirty and had all of these accents. like, the "downtown black man" accent and the "totally gnarly skater" accent and the "how do you like my piercings hardcore" accent.

but alas! i have too much first of da' month crap to do, and "real" blogging will have to wait yet another day.

i'm an eager lil' thing... cuz someone "special" is coming home soon. she knows who she is and we are going to eat fried biscuits and buffalo chili in t-minus four days. it has been a relatively girl-free couple of months (no offense to t-bone buttersworth or ern, they're top-notch yatches... it's just that they have man-yatches to keep them occupied most times). anyways, i'm really excited. we plan to put the beatdown on some troublemakers. hehe, i TOTALLY know where you live!