7.27.2005
i suppose i should blog or something...
i'm back from rhody, and as usual, it was a non-stop actionfest full of drunken relatives, lots of regional foodstuffs and the always comical brown recluse bite.
yes, my uncle "ten finger" bill (i also have an uncle "nine finger" bill, for clarification) was bit on the inner thigh by a brown recluse. he initially thought it was ingrown hair gone horribly awry, but subsequent blood tests revealed that it was in fact a poisonous spider attack. they carved a little chunk of dead flesh out of his thigh, and he was hospitalized and kept on fluids for three whole days, presumably to monitor him for unusual side effects like "climbing up the sides of buildings" and "shooting webs from his wrists." he was in high spirits after day one, and was calling all of us to try to convince someone to smuggle some beers in for him. we could not comply. we're law abiding like that. anywho, it was a nasty-type thing, and bill is very relieved that it didn't spread to his man-parts, seeing as how it was dreadfully close. it would be a shame to be that old guy who has to point to his nads and say "yup...goddamn spider got that one."
i avoided confrontation like the plague, arranging to hang out with my mom (the only one who ever wants to confrontate) before beer thirty whenever possible. it worked out well. my brothers are officially "punx" who hang out with other "punx" wearing wife beaters and do-rags and other assorted nonsense. they like to "smoke weed" and are in the stage of weed smokin' in which they start to get the shakes if they don't get high EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. they are all about pooling their money for a "q-p of kind buds," only to roll up a million jousties and smoke it all up in one or two days. idiots. z tried to give them the cooler older dude's perspective on these things, trying to convince them that "slingin'" won't help them "make friends" or "get bitches," and may in fact just lead directly to places like "jail." but unfortunately, at 14 going on 15, the One Thing these boys don't really want to do is talk about ANYTHING serious. so i'm pretty sure they ignored him. in fact, that night, they called us and left a message that if we wanted to come by, they'd smoke us out. haha, in the event that you're reading this: not gonna happen fellas. not gonna happen. maybe when you're not livin' with the craziest parents on the planet. maybe.
z and i made a break for it during the middle of the week and took the amtrak into new york. i'd never been there, it was pretty cool. the buildings are tall, the people are everywhere, and if you're prone to anxiety attacks, then it is most certainly not the place for you. i bought some super-cute shoes with massive heels on 'em, so that was cool.
otherwise, we spent a day out on block island, which is one of the coolest places ever... you've gotta take a ferry about an hour out from the mainland (we were escorted by the coast guard this year, on account of them ay-rabs blowin' things up), but once you get there it's like this old-timey fishing community with lots of little shops, hiking and bike trails, and secluded beaches with MUCH cleaner water and less trashy assholes than the state beaches. we went to the far side of the island to a place called "mohegan bluffs" and climbed down this hundred foot staircase to get to a (rocky) small stretch of beach. it was lovely. totally lovely. z and cheech and chong spent a huge part of the day attempting to body surf, which you couldn't have paid my to try on account of the aforementioned rocks. me and auntie lori sat on the towel and lobsterized our skin up real nice-like, with the occasional trip into the water to cool off. i burned my cleavage all to hell. still can't lay on or apply pressure to my bubbins without horrible pains.
all in all, i'd say it was a successful trip. we didn't die in a planecrash, none of our animals were killed while we were away, and the landlords found nothing incriminating in the house while they looked in on miss kitty. maybe some trashy lingerie or something, but that's their own fault for coming upstairs to the bedroom, am i right? she REMADE the bed while we were gone... i mean, come on.
still haven't really unpacked, seein' as how we're both very very tired. i got home on sunday and watered plants and flowers and then napped. coming back and jumping right into the work week is never fun. i've been pretty busy at good ol' gaytime dot gay, so it's not like i've been able to ease myself back into the grind or anything. it was like Instant Business. oh well, that's life.
okay, so... back to work. or else maybe the pizza buffet. yeah, i think i'll do that first.
peace, holmeses.
yes, my uncle "ten finger" bill (i also have an uncle "nine finger" bill, for clarification) was bit on the inner thigh by a brown recluse. he initially thought it was ingrown hair gone horribly awry, but subsequent blood tests revealed that it was in fact a poisonous spider attack. they carved a little chunk of dead flesh out of his thigh, and he was hospitalized and kept on fluids for three whole days, presumably to monitor him for unusual side effects like "climbing up the sides of buildings" and "shooting webs from his wrists." he was in high spirits after day one, and was calling all of us to try to convince someone to smuggle some beers in for him. we could not comply. we're law abiding like that. anywho, it was a nasty-type thing, and bill is very relieved that it didn't spread to his man-parts, seeing as how it was dreadfully close. it would be a shame to be that old guy who has to point to his nads and say "yup...goddamn spider got that one."
i avoided confrontation like the plague, arranging to hang out with my mom (the only one who ever wants to confrontate) before beer thirty whenever possible. it worked out well. my brothers are officially "punx" who hang out with other "punx" wearing wife beaters and do-rags and other assorted nonsense. they like to "smoke weed" and are in the stage of weed smokin' in which they start to get the shakes if they don't get high EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. they are all about pooling their money for a "q-p of kind buds," only to roll up a million jousties and smoke it all up in one or two days. idiots. z tried to give them the cooler older dude's perspective on these things, trying to convince them that "slingin'" won't help them "make friends" or "get bitches," and may in fact just lead directly to places like "jail." but unfortunately, at 14 going on 15, the One Thing these boys don't really want to do is talk about ANYTHING serious. so i'm pretty sure they ignored him. in fact, that night, they called us and left a message that if we wanted to come by, they'd smoke us out. haha, in the event that you're reading this: not gonna happen fellas. not gonna happen. maybe when you're not livin' with the craziest parents on the planet. maybe.
z and i made a break for it during the middle of the week and took the amtrak into new york. i'd never been there, it was pretty cool. the buildings are tall, the people are everywhere, and if you're prone to anxiety attacks, then it is most certainly not the place for you. i bought some super-cute shoes with massive heels on 'em, so that was cool.
otherwise, we spent a day out on block island, which is one of the coolest places ever... you've gotta take a ferry about an hour out from the mainland (we were escorted by the coast guard this year, on account of them ay-rabs blowin' things up), but once you get there it's like this old-timey fishing community with lots of little shops, hiking and bike trails, and secluded beaches with MUCH cleaner water and less trashy assholes than the state beaches. we went to the far side of the island to a place called "mohegan bluffs" and climbed down this hundred foot staircase to get to a (rocky) small stretch of beach. it was lovely. totally lovely. z and cheech and chong spent a huge part of the day attempting to body surf, which you couldn't have paid my to try on account of the aforementioned rocks. me and auntie lori sat on the towel and lobsterized our skin up real nice-like, with the occasional trip into the water to cool off. i burned my cleavage all to hell. still can't lay on or apply pressure to my bubbins without horrible pains.
all in all, i'd say it was a successful trip. we didn't die in a planecrash, none of our animals were killed while we were away, and the landlords found nothing incriminating in the house while they looked in on miss kitty. maybe some trashy lingerie or something, but that's their own fault for coming upstairs to the bedroom, am i right? she REMADE the bed while we were gone... i mean, come on.
still haven't really unpacked, seein' as how we're both very very tired. i got home on sunday and watered plants and flowers and then napped. coming back and jumping right into the work week is never fun. i've been pretty busy at good ol' gaytime dot gay, so it's not like i've been able to ease myself back into the grind or anything. it was like Instant Business. oh well, that's life.
okay, so... back to work. or else maybe the pizza buffet. yeah, i think i'll do that first.
peace, holmeses.
7.15.2005
official vacation action...
not that i've been "around" much, as far as the superweb or the 'fest is concerned, but for the next week i will be most definitely "away from the computer." it's time for the annual "go up to rhody for good food and family bickering" extravaganza. and shit, can they ever bicker. my mother has started the festivities early this year; she called and left me a drunken, slobbery voicemail on wednesday night saying something to the effect of "your asshole brothers got arrested, and i've had it. tomorrow, i'm calling 'the state' to come and read them their rights and take them away." well, really it was more like "yerassholebruthhsgot ARRESTED, and (mumble mumble mumble) i've had it..." you get the picture.
well, i knew better than to believe HER, the lyin'est liar that ever there was, so i called my brothers to get the scoop instead. not only were they completely unaware of any plans involving 'the state (i like to picture michael ian black and michael showalter showing up to take them away)' but they were also categorically NOT arrested, seeing as how the cops just brought them home from the park they were "trespassing" in and tipped their hats to my mom at the door. and it's all blown over anyway on account of the bleeding cat that won't come home. details? sure. mia, my mother's diarrhea-havin' abbysinian cat, came to the door making a god awful noise, and it was noted that her mouth looked funny. so ma caught her, and checked out the lip. when she touched her, one of her main "canine" teeth (do they call them that on cats?) fell right the fuck out and mia started bleeding profusely. at this point, she took of running for anywhere but there, and hadn't returned. my mother was convinced that she had ebola virus or something and that her teeth were falling out as a result, and that she would probably bleed out on the neighbor's porch instead of coming home. i'm sure that's exactly what will happen. either that or the cat's blood will clot (imagine that), she'll get hungry and will come home acting like nothing ever happened. it's a toss up. so anyway, when i talked to my mom the night after the drunken phone call, she didn't even bring it up. it was all about the cat. and then she just put my brother on the phone like it was no big thing, so i'm assuming they're not even grounded. god she is a crazy crazy yatch. my guess is, she just wanted to create some drama so that i wouldn't get to feelin' all relaxed on my vacation. cuz that would just be unacceptable.
well, anyway, we leave tomorrow morning--flight takes off at 7:30 am, so it'll be a long and yawny journey through detroit (detroit!) to providence. we haven't packed, cleaned the house, or finalized arrangements for the animals. tonight is gonna be wicked fun.
i leave you with my latest masterpiece, created yesterday during the five or six hours when our work phones and internet were down and i had nothing better to do than paint it up. hope you like it. it's not the most original thing ever, but it definitely makes you think. man versus nature and shit.
have a good week, everybody. i'll be trying to enjoy all that lobster and free expensive alcohol. ;)
well, i knew better than to believe HER, the lyin'est liar that ever there was, so i called my brothers to get the scoop instead. not only were they completely unaware of any plans involving 'the state (i like to picture michael ian black and michael showalter showing up to take them away)' but they were also categorically NOT arrested, seeing as how the cops just brought them home from the park they were "trespassing" in and tipped their hats to my mom at the door. and it's all blown over anyway on account of the bleeding cat that won't come home. details? sure. mia, my mother's diarrhea-havin' abbysinian cat, came to the door making a god awful noise, and it was noted that her mouth looked funny. so ma caught her, and checked out the lip. when she touched her, one of her main "canine" teeth (do they call them that on cats?) fell right the fuck out and mia started bleeding profusely. at this point, she took of running for anywhere but there, and hadn't returned. my mother was convinced that she had ebola virus or something and that her teeth were falling out as a result, and that she would probably bleed out on the neighbor's porch instead of coming home. i'm sure that's exactly what will happen. either that or the cat's blood will clot (imagine that), she'll get hungry and will come home acting like nothing ever happened. it's a toss up. so anyway, when i talked to my mom the night after the drunken phone call, she didn't even bring it up. it was all about the cat. and then she just put my brother on the phone like it was no big thing, so i'm assuming they're not even grounded. god she is a crazy crazy yatch. my guess is, she just wanted to create some drama so that i wouldn't get to feelin' all relaxed on my vacation. cuz that would just be unacceptable.
well, anyway, we leave tomorrow morning--flight takes off at 7:30 am, so it'll be a long and yawny journey through detroit (detroit!) to providence. we haven't packed, cleaned the house, or finalized arrangements for the animals. tonight is gonna be wicked fun.
i leave you with my latest masterpiece, created yesterday during the five or six hours when our work phones and internet were down and i had nothing better to do than paint it up. hope you like it. it's not the most original thing ever, but it definitely makes you think. man versus nature and shit.
have a good week, everybody. i'll be trying to enjoy all that lobster and free expensive alcohol. ;)
7.07.2005
this is the moon blowing up and this is me smiling...
as predicted, work has been more nuts than a bowl FULL of nuts. i can't wait for vacation, even though vacation will probably end up being fairly stressful anyway.
i have not much else to say. i guess i could tell you that i picked my first tomato yesterday. i actually grew it and nurtured it to full redness, and tonight i will eat it with some fresh mozerella balls. well, ONE fresh mozarella ball, seeing as how the cheese is bigger than the tomato itself. i didn't say it was a BIG tomato.
i have not much else to say. i guess i could tell you that i picked my first tomato yesterday. i actually grew it and nurtured it to full redness, and tonight i will eat it with some fresh mozerella balls. well, ONE fresh mozarella ball, seeing as how the cheese is bigger than the tomato itself. i didn't say it was a BIG tomato.
