ye olde crapfest

not that i've been "around" much, as far as the superweb or the 'fest is concerned, but for the next week i will be most definitely "away from the computer." it's time for the annual "go up to rhody for good food and family bickering" extravaganza. and shit, can they ever bicker. my mother has started the festivities early this year; she called and left me a drunken, slobbery voicemail on wednesday night saying something to the effect of "your asshole brothers got arrested, and i've had it. tomorrow, i'm calling 'the state' to come and read them their rights and take them away." well, really it was more like "yerassholebruthhsgot ARRESTED, and (mumble mumble mumble) i've had it..." you get the picture.

well, i knew better than to believe HER, the lyin'est liar that ever there was, so i called my brothers to get the scoop instead. not only were they completely unaware of any plans involving 'the state (i like to picture michael ian black and michael showalter showing up to take them away)' but they were also categorically NOT arrested, seeing as how the cops just brought them home from the park they were "trespassing" in and tipped their hats to my mom at the door. and it's all blown over anyway on account of the bleeding cat that won't come home. details? sure. mia, my mother's diarrhea-havin' abbysinian cat, came to the door making a god awful noise, and it was noted that her mouth looked funny. so ma caught her, and checked out the lip. when she touched her, one of her main "canine" teeth (do they call them that on cats?) fell right the fuck out and mia started bleeding profusely. at this point, she took of running for anywhere but there, and hadn't returned. my mother was convinced that she had ebola virus or something and that her teeth were falling out as a result, and that she would probably bleed out on the neighbor's porch instead of coming home. i'm sure that's exactly what will happen. either that or the cat's blood will clot (imagine that), she'll get hungry and will come home acting like nothing ever happened. it's a toss up. so anyway, when i talked to my mom the night after the drunken phone call, she didn't even bring it up. it was all about the cat. and then she just put my brother on the phone like it was no big thing, so i'm assuming they're not even grounded. god she is a crazy crazy yatch. my guess is, she just wanted to create some drama so that i wouldn't get to feelin' all relaxed on my vacation. cuz that would just be unacceptable.

well, anyway, we leave tomorrow morning--flight takes off at 7:30 am, so it'll be a long and yawny journey through detroit (detroit!) to providence. we haven't packed, cleaned the house, or finalized arrangements for the animals. tonight is gonna be wicked fun.

i leave you with my latest masterpiece, created yesterday during the five or six hours when our work phones and internet were down and i had nothing better to do than paint it up. hope you like it. it's not the most original thing ever, but it definitely makes you think. man versus nature and shit.



have a good week, everybody. i'll be trying to enjoy all that lobster and free expensive alcohol. ;)