1.30.2004
and also, i have an announcement. for all you folks who miss the good ol' yats, guess what? the new yats is now open for business behind the ABC on s. broadway. it apparently looks just the same, and ross even works there. you're excited, i know.
howdy yatches!
it's a snowy friday here in the southeastern central midwest, and i'm at the office all by my lonesome. one boss is in the bahamas golfing, the other's gone to houston for the super bowl, and lu lu's probably gonna show up at around 3:30 talkin' about how it took her six hours to dig her car out of some snowbank.
so the plan today is to do all my work within the next two or so hours, and then to Get The Fuck Out Of Here. i do so desire to get into my snowsuit and frolic about town, and also to relax on the couch and get that weekend-feelin' going a little early. jism's coming to visit tomorrow, and for this, i am thankful.
today, i am wearing my commando costume, and it's making me want to carry a large automatic weapon of some sort. i think that would be bad though, given my history of being extremely violent and prone to flying off the handle, especially when it's virtual strangers in my path.
i need to get good at photoshop. i do enjoy the crap out of the "spraypaint" tool in microsoft paint, but to some extent it is limiting my creativity.
it's a snowy friday here in the southeastern central midwest, and i'm at the office all by my lonesome. one boss is in the bahamas golfing, the other's gone to houston for the super bowl, and lu lu's probably gonna show up at around 3:30 talkin' about how it took her six hours to dig her car out of some snowbank.
so the plan today is to do all my work within the next two or so hours, and then to Get The Fuck Out Of Here. i do so desire to get into my snowsuit and frolic about town, and also to relax on the couch and get that weekend-feelin' going a little early. jism's coming to visit tomorrow, and for this, i am thankful.
today, i am wearing my commando costume, and it's making me want to carry a large automatic weapon of some sort. i think that would be bad though, given my history of being extremely violent and prone to flying off the handle, especially when it's virtual strangers in my path.
i need to get good at photoshop. i do enjoy the crap out of the "spraypaint" tool in microsoft paint, but to some extent it is limiting my creativity.
1.28.2004
yes, jesus christ makes me sick with his constant creepiness and gross-osity. i said it. and now, moving on...
it is on very rare occasion that i actually admit defeat, but i tell ya, i'm gonna go ahead and do it now. i have been beaten...by my new mittens. they may be way beyond stylish and go well with the matching hat, but the last few days of mittened-action have been quite a pain in my arse. i smoke with my cig between my thumb and the four-finger-blob; driving is nearly impossible, especially if you're trying to do any turning of the wheel; i tried to flick some pulling-out-in-front-of-me asshole off a few minutes ago, and as you can imagine, my gesturing was all for naught. instead, he got flashed my entire hand--ooh! that'll teach him! had i a chance to pull the mittens off and do it, i would've, but flicking someone off is an instantaneous thing, ya know? other actions that are impaired include: opening or closing doors; typing (yeah, i tried it); dialing numbers on a telephone; pushing the hair back outta my face and behind my ears (results in serious static electricity! do not attempt!); and so on. i know they make those mittens with the fold down four-finger-blob cover, so you can get your digits out if you need to, but do they make them in black with light blue stripes with matching knit cap? i thought not.
subject change again.
"voice of reason" my ass! why i never got slapped or beaten to a pulp for being such an idiot, i'll never know.
it is on very rare occasion that i actually admit defeat, but i tell ya, i'm gonna go ahead and do it now. i have been beaten...by my new mittens. they may be way beyond stylish and go well with the matching hat, but the last few days of mittened-action have been quite a pain in my arse. i smoke with my cig between my thumb and the four-finger-blob; driving is nearly impossible, especially if you're trying to do any turning of the wheel; i tried to flick some pulling-out-in-front-of-me asshole off a few minutes ago, and as you can imagine, my gesturing was all for naught. instead, he got flashed my entire hand--ooh! that'll teach him! had i a chance to pull the mittens off and do it, i would've, but flicking someone off is an instantaneous thing, ya know? other actions that are impaired include: opening or closing doors; typing (yeah, i tried it); dialing numbers on a telephone; pushing the hair back outta my face and behind my ears (results in serious static electricity! do not attempt!); and so on. i know they make those mittens with the fold down four-finger-blob cover, so you can get your digits out if you need to, but do they make them in black with light blue stripes with matching knit cap? i thought not.
subject change again.
"voice of reason" my ass! why i never got slapped or beaten to a pulp for being such an idiot, i'll never know.
jesus christ when are you gonna stop making me sick?!?!?!? enough already! stop being so gross and creepy! i can't take it anymore.
i had forgotten about this guy until today...
joshua abraham norton, the first and only emperor of the united states
1.27.2004
sudden surge in hits to the ol' crapfest. who are all of you people!?!?! funny, i'm apparently the #1 google hit for europeans searching for variations on the word "horsepenis." who would have guessed?
the more strict and rigid of the bosses left for the bahamas today. hooray hooray i get to come in late for the rest of the week! i hope.
i have got so much shit going on in my dome right now, i can feel it all sort of swirling around in there, its pace becoming ever-faster. explosion is imminent.
i will now go smoke in the snow. it's pretty out there. reminds me of home.
the more strict and rigid of the bosses left for the bahamas today. hooray hooray i get to come in late for the rest of the week! i hope.
i have got so much shit going on in my dome right now, i can feel it all sort of swirling around in there, its pace becoming ever-faster. explosion is imminent.
i will now go smoke in the snow. it's pretty out there. reminds me of home.
1.26.2004
he's real friendly, and also, ridiculously huge. i just wouldn't recommend that you go anywhere near his ass, as it is notoriously "unclean."
(if you look closely, you can see that zack has taped his winning scrabble score to the television, cuz he knows it was his one lucky game, and he wishes to savor that feeling for as long as possible.)
well, i have fallen on my ass three times so far today.
1.23.2004
so, steve the cat goes outside now. i know, i know! it's hard to believe and all, but it's true. and i only stood at the back door watching him intently the first couple of times. today, i almost forgot to let him back in when i was leaving to go back to work. crazy. maybe the fat-ass will lose some weight now... still can't get molly to get anywhere near the door. her thing lately is sitting in the tub all day staring up and mewing continuously at the shower head, waiting sometimes hours for a droplet to coagulate enough to fall. she then jumps at it as if she could somehow catch it. realizing that it's gone, she hurries back to the original position, staring up, and starts the mewing again.
but enough about cats.
now i'd like to talk about productivity. more appropriately, i'd like to talk about my LACK of productivity, specifically at this here workplace, and specifically within the last few months. i work hard when i really really have to. when i ought to be working fairly hard, i do not. when i don't really have a whole lot to do, there's a pretty good chance that i'm probably not even here. and every day, i come in here at 9, thinking "good lord i am going to get outta here at 3 if i can." hardly ever really do, but the point is this: i don't wanna be here. at all. it's lame. i know i shouldn't be bitching, what with all the relaxation that goes on here and all the raping of privileges that i do, and all the free money i get at just the right times...
oh blah. who am i kidding. my job is much cooler than yours.
i'm gonna play some literati now. if anyone would like to try to find me, my yahoo games name is riggamacrumb. happy friday, all. take it to the limit.
but enough about cats.
now i'd like to talk about productivity. more appropriately, i'd like to talk about my LACK of productivity, specifically at this here workplace, and specifically within the last few months. i work hard when i really really have to. when i ought to be working fairly hard, i do not. when i don't really have a whole lot to do, there's a pretty good chance that i'm probably not even here. and every day, i come in here at 9, thinking "good lord i am going to get outta here at 3 if i can." hardly ever really do, but the point is this: i don't wanna be here. at all. it's lame. i know i shouldn't be bitching, what with all the relaxation that goes on here and all the raping of privileges that i do, and all the free money i get at just the right times...
oh blah. who am i kidding. my job is much cooler than yours.
i'm gonna play some literati now. if anyone would like to try to find me, my yahoo games name is riggamacrumb. happy friday, all. take it to the limit.
1.22.2004
1.21.2004
so i saw this one website this morning, and it was called something dumb, but the title that came up on the top of the browser was "welcome to the spirit of loneliness" and i got to thinking about life and how maybe we should all embrace the "spirit" of our "loneliness" and, you know, "welcome" it, rather than being all crunk about it.
just a thought.
just a thought.
i, my friends, am what you could call a professional loser. not in the sense that i'm some sort of "failure, also-ran, bomb, bummer, bust, deadbeat, defeated, disadvantaged, dud, failure, fall guy, flop, flunkey, lemon, turkey, underdog, underprivileged, {or} washout 1 ."
no no. when i say "loser," what i mean is that i am great at misplacing things, mainly my debit card. if this one is in fact lost, this makes onety debit cards for cranza. ONETY! you'd think that since the propensity for losing thin, card-sized, oft-used objects is already there, i'd also have the same problem with the patriotic american flag discover card, or my drivers license, or my (totally useless) blockbuster card. but this is not so. i have no idea why. i guess it's because the debit card travels more, gets used more often, goes from the back pocket to the coat pocket to the wallet to the incredible plastic-eating black hole. then again, maybe you took it. jive turkey.
it's been gone since sunday afternoon. if anyone knows anything or has seen it, please, call your local authorities. i don't wanna get a new one. i think i love this one more than all the others before it.
1: gracias, thesaurus.com
no no. when i say "loser," what i mean is that i am great at misplacing things, mainly my debit card. if this one is in fact lost, this makes onety debit cards for cranza. ONETY! you'd think that since the propensity for losing thin, card-sized, oft-used objects is already there, i'd also have the same problem with the patriotic american flag discover card, or my drivers license, or my (totally useless) blockbuster card. but this is not so. i have no idea why. i guess it's because the debit card travels more, gets used more often, goes from the back pocket to the coat pocket to the wallet to the incredible plastic-eating black hole. then again, maybe you took it. jive turkey.
it's been gone since sunday afternoon. if anyone knows anything or has seen it, please, call your local authorities. i don't wanna get a new one. i think i love this one more than all the others before it.
1.20.2004
crapulent (KRAP-yuh-luhnt) adjective
Sick from excessive drinking or eating.
[From Late Latin crapulentus (very drunk), from Latin crapula (drunkenness), from Greek kraipal (hangover, drunkenness).]
"A doctor examining one of his more crapulent patients said to him, 'Your body is a temple and your congregation is too large.'"
--Dale Turner; Guarding Our Health Lets Us Better Serve in Role God
so i guess that means "crapulation" is a word as well, and i guess that means there's yet another word that sounds great when followed by the word "station."
"crapulation station"="i have become super drunk and will likely be pukey?" yes, yes it works. great. i love science.
it's thursday, right?
1.19.2004
ah, it's time to move it on, then. for real. this is just getting silly. damn my sentimentality and compassion. damn it all to hell. 'tis what i get for trying. that's alright. it's your loss, and i think you probably know that, somewhere deep down inside that hollow hole of yours.
i'm sorry, you guys don't know what i'm talking about, and i don't really want to tell you, so let's change the subject. i was productive this weekend. in fact, i was probably more productive in the last two days than i have been in the last couple of months. woot woot!
tequilafest was great. drunk by 10, wicked drunk by 12, all that stuff. really, it was just good to see a bunch of folks all in the same room for the first time in a while.
a totally pussed out on uri (*sigh*) and the basketball players, instead went to that one place with that one dude, and we had bourbons and (thanks to the bourbons?) almost had words, and in the wee hours, i dragged my ass home and crawled onto the couch with the Best Roommate of 2004 for a late-night viewing of what's eating gilbert grape. that movie reminds me of sarah collett. you don't know her. she kicks ass.
you know what else kicks ass? big lots. you should totally go there. they totally have stuff, and it's cheap. like yard art and cereal.
mix is telling me that johnny quaid and danny cash are no longer members of mmj. what the fuck is up with that? the "merch" girl tells mix that it's because they got tired of touring all the time. hmmmm.... but apparently, the new guys do not suck. there is more keyboard action and the new gee-tar man looks a little like mr. quaid.
why am i telling you this? goodbye.
i'm sorry, you guys don't know what i'm talking about, and i don't really want to tell you, so let's change the subject. i was productive this weekend. in fact, i was probably more productive in the last two days than i have been in the last couple of months. woot woot!
tequilafest was great. drunk by 10, wicked drunk by 12, all that stuff. really, it was just good to see a bunch of folks all in the same room for the first time in a while.
a totally pussed out on uri (*sigh*) and the basketball players, instead went to that one place with that one dude, and we had bourbons and (thanks to the bourbons?) almost had words, and in the wee hours, i dragged my ass home and crawled onto the couch with the Best Roommate of 2004 for a late-night viewing of what's eating gilbert grape. that movie reminds me of sarah collett. you don't know her. she kicks ass.
you know what else kicks ass? big lots. you should totally go there. they totally have stuff, and it's cheap. like yard art and cereal.
mix is telling me that johnny quaid and danny cash are no longer members of mmj. what the fuck is up with that? the "merch" girl tells mix that it's because they got tired of touring all the time. hmmmm.... but apparently, the new guys do not suck. there is more keyboard action and the new gee-tar man looks a little like mr. quaid.
why am i telling you this? goodbye.
1.16.2004
friday friday friday!
and as much as i was looking forward to shustering this weekend, i'm kinda relieved that i get to relax instead. as far as the moving in goes, the bookshelves are in place, stained, dry, and covered in books, candles and other assorted junk. they look pretty bitchin. homey, even. so it's off to wal-mart this afternoon to procure mug hooks and contact paper so i can get to building my gigantic mug hook and contact paper sculpture of bung falling off his bike and breaking his clavicle. it's gonna be awesome.
and here is diz from out of control. 
and as much as i was looking forward to shustering this weekend, i'm kinda relieved that i get to relax instead. as far as the moving in goes, the bookshelves are in place, stained, dry, and covered in books, candles and other assorted junk. they look pretty bitchin. homey, even. so it's off to wal-mart this afternoon to procure mug hooks and contact paper so i can get to building my gigantic mug hook and contact paper sculpture of bung falling off his bike and breaking his clavicle. it's gonna be awesome.
1.15.2004
ya know what i think sucks, is when you go out of your way to try to give somebody a chance, somebody that everyone else thinks is a biatch or an asshat or whatever derogatory word you choose to use, and you give this person a shot at proving themselves worthy of people in general, and the asshat or biatch or whomever turns around and lies to you for no good reason anyway. i think that sucks. well, it sucks for the asshat/biatch, but as far as i'm concerned, i guess it just helps me remember how great it is to be great.
and that's all the blech i've got for now...
otherwise, it's been a day of exercising my vocabulary and perspicacity, and WINNING WINNING WINNING. i like that. winning.
and that's all the blech i've got for now...
otherwise, it's been a day of exercising my vocabulary and perspicacity, and WINNING WINNING WINNING. i like that. winning.
man, it just occured to me that i haven't played a single solitary word-oriented game online or in real life in over a month. no scrabble, no literati, no text twist, no nothing. so i guess we all know what i'm gonna do today. if you try to chat me up or something, and i say i'm busy working, i am totally lying.
1.14.2004
oooh! guess who's gross! guess!!!!
1.13.2004
i'm back! i'm back! stupid superweb, stupid broken router, stupid work, stupid stupid stupid.
but that's all over now, and it's a glorious sunny day. i'm drinking the best milkshake ever, and tonight, i will be done with mlk and downtown lexvegas forever. the beasts love the new place, they're getting along with george and mr. b just famously, and everything's really quite rosy. i still haven't unpacked much, but once all of the cleaning and hauling is complete, it'll be time to breathe.
ya know, i was kind of breathing a nice long sigh of relief without all of the virtualreality of the superweb being in my face all day long. it was really nice and much as i would imagine the 1850s must have been like. but now it's all back to normal, and i get to read about the lives and times and sexual encounters of strangers and friends and non-friends and everyone and their brother. thank god.
fuckety fuck, i have so much work to do. fear not! i shall return.
but that's all over now, and it's a glorious sunny day. i'm drinking the best milkshake ever, and tonight, i will be done with mlk and downtown lexvegas forever. the beasts love the new place, they're getting along with george and mr. b just famously, and everything's really quite rosy. i still haven't unpacked much, but once all of the cleaning and hauling is complete, it'll be time to breathe.
ya know, i was kind of breathing a nice long sigh of relief without all of the virtualreality of the superweb being in my face all day long. it was really nice and much as i would imagine the 1850s must have been like. but now it's all back to normal, and i get to read about the lives and times and sexual encounters of strangers and friends and non-friends and everyone and their brother. thank god.
fuckety fuck, i have so much work to do. fear not! i shall return.
1.09.2004
friday again, and again, i'm pooped. lack of sleep every night this week is catching up to me. tonight, it's 'big fish' and then more nostalgiac hanging out with old buddies (and current buddies and new buddies all at once, i hope). if i can stay awake. and i feel a migraine coming on. i will get caffeine, stat. hopefully, that will stave off the pain. really, i just need a little nap. that'd fix everything.
i was here at 9:00 on the nose today. ha ha. and you didn't think i could do it.
i was here at 9:00 on the nose today. ha ha. and you didn't think i could do it.
1.08.2004
well so far, twotytytyfour is infinitely better than twotytytythree, although i admit it's only a week into it, and it's hard to really make any claims like this whatsoever. i'm a much happier person lately, and i have many many people to thank for that. so, hey! people! thanks!
i've been fairly successful at paring down my life while doing all the packing--i've gotten rid of bag after bag of trash, filled with crappy dorm-era posters, what seems like millions of stinky throw pillows, holy socks (sox? i like sox), makeup i've had since the beginning of recorded time, old "love" letters, crappy mcdonalds happy meal toys, the list is endless. and, with the help of a (very bored and much appreciated) dear friendy, i have decided to part with exactly six of my onetytyseven tank tops. three cheers for progress!
and now, let's talk a little bit about willpower. i have none. well, i do when it comes to some things, but not the important things. i must become capable of saying "NO SIR!" when i know i should. if anyone has suggestions as to how i might strengthen my self-control when faced with temptations too great to detail here, i'd be happy to hear them.
and now for my next trick, i'm gonna work on a static logo-type thing for this here site. ooooh! crazy! what's it gonna be?!?!?!?! i'm trembling with feverish excitement! aren't you?
i've been fairly successful at paring down my life while doing all the packing--i've gotten rid of bag after bag of trash, filled with crappy dorm-era posters, what seems like millions of stinky throw pillows, holy socks (sox? i like sox), makeup i've had since the beginning of recorded time, old "love" letters, crappy mcdonalds happy meal toys, the list is endless. and, with the help of a (very bored and much appreciated) dear friendy, i have decided to part with exactly six of my onetytyseven tank tops. three cheers for progress!
and now, let's talk a little bit about willpower. i have none. well, i do when it comes to some things, but not the important things. i must become capable of saying "NO SIR!" when i know i should. if anyone has suggestions as to how i might strengthen my self-control when faced with temptations too great to detail here, i'd be happy to hear them.
and now for my next trick, i'm gonna work on a static logo-type thing for this here site. ooooh! crazy! what's it gonna be?!?!?!?! i'm trembling with feverish excitement! aren't you?
1.07.2004
crap i really don't feel like being here. nor do i feel like doing any of the things i need to do. i just wanna go home and watch daytime television and talk to my cats like the freak i am. but alas, i don't foresee it happening.
it has officially been wintery-cold for a couple of days now, and I'VE HAD IT. cold weather sucks. i don't care if you don't agree with me, that's my story and i'm sticking to it. i hate being all shivery in the morning, and then of course, getting out of the shower is the worst most heinous ordeal of all time. it will soon be spring and once again i will pledge to move to SomeplaceWarm and this time maybe i'll do it.
everyone check this out. it's really cool.
it has officially been wintery-cold for a couple of days now, and I'VE HAD IT. cold weather sucks. i don't care if you don't agree with me, that's my story and i'm sticking to it. i hate being all shivery in the morning, and then of course, getting out of the shower is the worst most heinous ordeal of all time. it will soon be spring and once again i will pledge to move to SomeplaceWarm and this time maybe i'll do it.
everyone check this out. it's really cool.
1.06.2004
but i have to go run an errand, so you only get one for now.
1.05.2004
okay, so i figure i'll blog it up before i get back to work. i'm not looking forward to being here for five whole days in a row. i'm not exactly sure how i'm going to do it, to be truthful. i'll have to ease myself back into it with long lunch breaks, leaving early, coming in late, la la la...
i'm a stupendous employee.
alright, so i'll tell ya a little about my new years weekend shenanigans, and then i'll stop with the regurgitation. if you were there, you already know about the twotytytythree/twotytytyfour makers mark extravaganza, in which three of us did the majority of the damage to a 1.75l bottle of delicious bourbony goodness. until the magic digicam (and other, more rememberful people) reminded me of all of this, i had no recollection of the following:
and i think that covers the forgotten craziness. among the things i remember are the post-it ruination, in which i destroyed a brand new pack of post-its by writing things like "i love horsepenis," "monstrous erection," and "the aroma...it kind of reminds me a little of...horsepenis" throughout. to my credit, erin did much more of this than i did. i am not totally to blame.
anyway, after finally passing out at 6ish, and then being woken up at 9ish by a gigantic great dane who really wanted to pee and go home, i dragged my ass out to taylor's couch and laid there until the phone rang, ten minutes later, and i actually agreed to go eat bob evans breakfast. bad idea, folks, bad idea. anyway, back to bed after that, and i've been recovering ever since.
the dirty crumbs played excellently, bung's nervousness aside. bung, you will grow into your new singing role. it will just take time and more western shirts, but you will make it. and later that night, mix tried to run some innocent ladies off the road.
the real weekend, saturday and sunday that is, was spent in a never ending relax-a-thon on black zoomfield's couch...i am becoming ridiculously accustomed to the new place. i should just bring the kits over there now and call it done.
as i said, enough regurgitation. i'm sure you people are growing tired of hearing tales of my fabulous life. i'm going to try to start writing stuff about real stuff on this thing. just as soon as my head stops spinning.
i'm a stupendous employee.
alright, so i'll tell ya a little about my new years weekend shenanigans, and then i'll stop with the regurgitation. if you were there, you already know about the twotytytythree/twotytytyfour makers mark extravaganza, in which three of us did the majority of the damage to a 1.75l bottle of delicious bourbony goodness. until the magic digicam (and other, more rememberful people) reminded me of all of this, i had no recollection of the following:
- kissing erin edwards goodnight (a couple of times. with tongue)
- kissing taylor just for the hell of it (a couple of times. with tongue)
- calling my sister at 2am and having a nice conversation about "that hot 21-year-old i'm moving in with," (!?!?!) directly in earshot of the aforementioned cute young'un...
- making myself another drink at 4:30am, and then getting a heineken outta the fridge (i guess i finished the bourbon and coke; didn't do so well with the heinie...)
- boomer apparently trying to beat the shit out of taylor whilst taylor tweaked mine own nipples
- affixing clothes pins to those very same nipples and walking around all "look i've got clothes pins and they're on my nipples!"
- making tons of people watch as taylor and i showed off our inventive dances
- chasing tay down the street yelling "you go see that fucko and we are no longer friends, you understand me you asshole!?!" while laughing hysterically because she made sure she had a dew to take with her before she bolted out the door all sneaky-like
- blatant pda. dumb dumb dumb. the pictures are hilarious. now everyone will know! yeah yeah, whatever.
- destructo smoking a cig while he tried to "explain" his newyears-esque behavior.
and i think that covers the forgotten craziness. among the things i remember are the post-it ruination, in which i destroyed a brand new pack of post-its by writing things like "i love horsepenis," "monstrous erection," and "the aroma...it kind of reminds me a little of...horsepenis" throughout. to my credit, erin did much more of this than i did. i am not totally to blame.
anyway, after finally passing out at 6ish, and then being woken up at 9ish by a gigantic great dane who really wanted to pee and go home, i dragged my ass out to taylor's couch and laid there until the phone rang, ten minutes later, and i actually agreed to go eat bob evans breakfast. bad idea, folks, bad idea. anyway, back to bed after that, and i've been recovering ever since.
the dirty crumbs played excellently, bung's nervousness aside. bung, you will grow into your new singing role. it will just take time and more western shirts, but you will make it. and later that night, mix tried to run some innocent ladies off the road.
the real weekend, saturday and sunday that is, was spent in a never ending relax-a-thon on black zoomfield's couch...i am becoming ridiculously accustomed to the new place. i should just bring the kits over there now and call it done.
as i said, enough regurgitation. i'm sure you people are growing tired of hearing tales of my fabulous life. i'm going to try to start writing stuff about real stuff on this thing. just as soon as my head stops spinning.
