ye olde crapfest

i'm back from rhody, and as usual, it was a non-stop actionfest full of drunken relatives, lots of regional foodstuffs and the always comical brown recluse bite.

yes, my uncle "ten finger" bill (i also have an uncle "nine finger" bill, for clarification) was bit on the inner thigh by a brown recluse. he initially thought it was ingrown hair gone horribly awry, but subsequent blood tests revealed that it was in fact a poisonous spider attack. they carved a little chunk of dead flesh out of his thigh, and he was hospitalized and kept on fluids for three whole days, presumably to monitor him for unusual side effects like "climbing up the sides of buildings" and "shooting webs from his wrists." he was in high spirits after day one, and was calling all of us to try to convince someone to smuggle some beers in for him. we could not comply. we're law abiding like that. anywho, it was a nasty-type thing, and bill is very relieved that it didn't spread to his man-parts, seeing as how it was dreadfully close. it would be a shame to be that old guy who has to point to his nads and say "yup...goddamn spider got that one."

i avoided confrontation like the plague, arranging to hang out with my mom (the only one who ever wants to confrontate) before beer thirty whenever possible. it worked out well. my brothers are officially "punx" who hang out with other "punx" wearing wife beaters and do-rags and other assorted nonsense. they like to "smoke weed" and are in the stage of weed smokin' in which they start to get the shakes if they don't get high EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. they are all about pooling their money for a "q-p of kind buds," only to roll up a million jousties and smoke it all up in one or two days. idiots. z tried to give them the cooler older dude's perspective on these things, trying to convince them that "slingin'" won't help them "make friends" or "get bitches," and may in fact just lead directly to places like "jail." but unfortunately, at 14 going on 15, the One Thing these boys don't really want to do is talk about ANYTHING serious. so i'm pretty sure they ignored him. in fact, that night, they called us and left a message that if we wanted to come by, they'd smoke us out. haha, in the event that you're reading this: not gonna happen fellas. not gonna happen. maybe when you're not livin' with the craziest parents on the planet. maybe.

z and i made a break for it during the middle of the week and took the amtrak into new york. i'd never been there, it was pretty cool. the buildings are tall, the people are everywhere, and if you're prone to anxiety attacks, then it is most certainly not the place for you. i bought some super-cute shoes with massive heels on 'em, so that was cool.

otherwise, we spent a day out on block island, which is one of the coolest places ever... you've gotta take a ferry about an hour out from the mainland (we were escorted by the coast guard this year, on account of them ay-rabs blowin' things up), but once you get there it's like this old-timey fishing community with lots of little shops, hiking and bike trails, and secluded beaches with MUCH cleaner water and less trashy assholes than the state beaches. we went to the far side of the island to a place called "mohegan bluffs" and climbed down this hundred foot staircase to get to a (rocky) small stretch of beach. it was lovely. totally lovely. z and cheech and chong spent a huge part of the day attempting to body surf, which you couldn't have paid my to try on account of the aforementioned rocks. me and auntie lori sat on the towel and lobsterized our skin up real nice-like, with the occasional trip into the water to cool off. i burned my cleavage all to hell. still can't lay on or apply pressure to my bubbins without horrible pains.

all in all, i'd say it was a successful trip. we didn't die in a planecrash, none of our animals were killed while we were away, and the landlords found nothing incriminating in the house while they looked in on miss kitty. maybe some trashy lingerie or something, but that's their own fault for coming upstairs to the bedroom, am i right? she REMADE the bed while we were gone... i mean, come on.

still haven't really unpacked, seein' as how we're both very very tired. i got home on sunday and watered plants and flowers and then napped. coming back and jumping right into the work week is never fun. i've been pretty busy at good ol' gaytime dot gay, so it's not like i've been able to ease myself back into the grind or anything. it was like Instant Business. oh well, that's life.

okay, so... back to work. or else maybe the pizza buffet. yeah, i think i'll do that first.

peace, holmeses.