ye olde crapfest

howdy. merry xmas, what's left of it. it's been a lovely day with not much strain or stress, except, of course, for the rampant influenza all around me, the wheelbarrow-loads of toxic mold i escorted to the trash, the slight altercation (accidental, i must say) betwixt my sister's Big Gawdy Fake Diamond Ring and Associated Knuckles and the underside of my left eye, the delicious fiberglass i almost got to taste late this evening, and a one-hour 'locked the fuck outta the house on christmas' extravaganza.

i did get to eat homemade macaroni & cheese, though. so i must say i'm perfectly happy.

best present i got this year was a dvd of all of the old home movies from the days of yore. my dad spent the last month sitting here at this very machine smoking endless packs of winston lights putting this thing together. it's hysterical. there's hours and hours of goodness that i'm sure i'll make everyone watch at some point. hysterical. i'll tell you this: there is actual footage of me in a bodysuit and some short-shorts. i was such a little sixth grade tramp, you guys are gonna die.

speaking of dying, i used this formula i read about in weekly world news to calculate the exact date that i will die. if i can trust the accuracy of this very scientific test, i can say with much certainty that i will depart this world on july 19, 2056. i'm relieved to have all that worrying off my chest. now i can relax and get started doing all of those awesome things i suggested.

so yeah, i suppose that's all i got for now. i'm just bored, really. so i will go play video games. dad's got this bitchin' atari controller that you plug into the front of the TV and it has, like, ten games loaded in it or whatever. i could do that for days. maybe i will. okay. enough.

somebody, quick, say something funny!