ye olde crapfest

well shit.

welcome back, slapzilla.

yes, it's...tuesday, and i'm back. back from the sun, back from the fun, back from la-la land. my weekend was, without a doubt, the most excellent weekend ever. two days ago, i was standing torso-deep in the most beautiful water i've ever seen, just kinda chillin with some little fishes (which didn't bother me because i could see them), drinking frozen tropical alcoholic treats, and never wanting to come home. but you gotta come home. that's the rules of vacation, i guess. i did miss my friends (who all happened to be hangin' out in one place last night, thankfully, so i got to see everyone upon re-entry), and of course, i missed the children. steve boy has been making the strangest yowling sounds ever since we got home, i know he's VERY pissed that i left him inside for the vast majority of the last four days, but he will recover. george was so excited to get back home, and i was so glad to see him that i went ahead and let him up on the bed this morning (oooh, dad's gonna be maaaad). being home sucks. getting back to the aminals kicks ass.

enough of that. back to the highlights of the weekend.

the boat was huge. i've never seen anything like it. the decor would have made any gold lame-wearin' realtor pee. pink marble and gold and brass and crazy sculptures and mirrors everywhere. the whole place sort of glistened in the sun. and lord was there a lot of sun. nassau was beautiful, pearl isand was...beautifuller. i looked around for souveniers to bring folks, but unfortunately, the bahamians in nassau are only interested in peddling supercraptastic junk, and they all peddle the exact same supercraptastic junk, so the souveniers are pretty much non-existent. i wish we could've spent more time on land, but it's just a three-day cruise, so i guess i'll just have to go back when i've got some more time to spend.

events of note:

• we got swindled out of thirty bucks (plus a five dollar TIP. a TIP.), by some damn jig calling himself kenny. apparently "chronic," to kenny, is some leaves ripped off the nearest tree and chopped into pieces and inserted carefully into a bag which is then sealed so ridiculously well that it would not behoove the buyer to check it out in the crowded sbarro. swindled, yes. but i must commend kenny-he got us, and it wasn't even hard.


• sunday morning we awoke and were informed that our onboard account still had over a hundred dollars available. as a result, we ended up on the pool deck at 11am with our friends tom collins and ms. midori "i taste just like kool-aid!" sour. one hundred and thirty dollars worth of liquor later, we left the pool and headed to the casino. it was maybe 3pm. great idea.


• upon arrival at the casino, z sat down with fifty bucks at the nearest blackjakc table. i stood over him and watched for as long as i could as he turned his fifty into a hundred, and then a hundred fifty. it was at that point that i took my seat and threw my twenty bucks on the table. maybe forty-five minutes later, we looked at each other and z said "babe, i'm sitting here with like, four-fifty!" and i said "i know! i've got over a hundred!" did it cross either of our minds to stand up right then and there and walk out with enough money to cover every single one of our expenses from the trip? well of course not. and wouldn't you know, a half hour later, we got up from the table with JACK SHIT. gambling is great. gambling is fucking horrible. gambling is gambling.


• my favorite thing: MIMES FOR JEBUS. as we wandered around on the streets of nassau, we noticed a crowd gathered, all watching some kind of performance art thing. i heard music. it sounded like trey parker singing "know you're a man, a man man man..." but the lyrics were more like "jesus we need you, yyyyyeeeeeessss we do, we neeed need need you, need you today!" our performace artists were bahamians dressed in weird clowny-type robes, with all-white mime face paint on, miming it up. i was the only one in the crowd who seemed to be holding back my cackles and shrieks of sacreligious delight. the rest of the assemblage was perfectly Into It, raising their arms heavenward, cheering those mimes on every step of the way. i made z take a video, i figured no one would ever believe me, and also, i never want to forget it.


• and finally, the "weirdest thang" that happened on the trip actually happened during our ten whole minutes in the atlanta airport... we'd been delayed leaving fort lauderdale, and i was assured upon inquiry that our connecting flight would aso be delayed, so there was no point in notifying them. yeah, right. we got off the plane at 5:00 on the dot, examined the schedule, and saw that our next flight was scheduled to leave at 5:22. shit. luckily, we didn't have to rush too much, we were leaving from the same concourse, so we got to the gate just as they were boarding the first few rows. our seats were in the back, so we took a quick opportunity to duck into the (oh-so-coneniently located) Room Of Smoke amd Smoking to hotbox a couple of camels. i was carrying my newly purchased copy of infinite jest, and the first thing i hear in the lounge is "hey that's a great book." i turn around, see this guy who looks and seems to act a little like tim arnold, my film professor from my second year of college. i liked that guy. anyway, this guy says "yeah, it's great." i'm like "yeah, blah blah...re-reading it...want to be more careful this time around..." and he says "cool. hey. can i show you something?" and you know me, i'm all about strangers "showing me something" in a crowded airport hundreds of miles from home, so i was all "hell yeah!" and he opens his suitcase and pulls out this kinko's-bound thing. "read this, my email's at the bottom, just let me know what you think. if you hate it, that's fine. if you like it, pass it on to someone else who might. it's gonna be published next summer." excellent. i thanked him, snubbed my cig out, and we took off to board the plane. i read half of it on the flight home, and wouldn't you know, it's awesome. right up my alley. funny and everything. the whole event just sort of struck me as being crazy. crazy in a good way, of course. kindred spirits, fate, all that stuff t-dawg said. sometimes things just fall in your lap.

well, i suppose that's all i can muster for the time being.

i'm sure i'll remember lots more, and indeed there are pictures pictures pictures. just gotta get the shit out of the car and actually unpack and junk. *sigh*

but for now, gotta go to work/ gotta go to work/ gotta have a job...