ye olde crapfest

it's like, the weirdest thing ever to hear the words "and she bit the head of his penis plum off" come out of your 56-year-old boss's mouth. we were discussing how women are best off fighting for their lives when placed in kidnap/rape-esque situations, and he told me about some lady in lex-town who got forced to suck some dude off in a parking garage downtown.

"and she bit the head of his penis plum off."

i squirmed a little, fought off a gag, and then promptly blushed.

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i've been thinking (again.) (always.) about quitting my job. but first, i have to get my NEW job lined up, the one in which i am a world-renowned cereal inventor. yes, i've decided to go ahead and pick a career, and that career is going to consist of visualizing, creating and taste-testing new and fabulous varieties of breakfast gold. my cereal creations will be the best ye hath ever tasted, and my name shall be known the world over. i predict a time magazine cover and fold-out photo spread showing how "cereal can be sexy." i also predict they will airbrush out my moles and freckles.

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i sometimes get insecure about my body, especially my non-existent ass, but a recent picture on the internets has given me renewed love for my caboose. woah, that yatch (a "famous" movie star whose name rhymes with "t@r@ re1d") is a sad, busted lady. she needs to do some work on her gloits and her lutes.

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and finally, i am about to go get my hair "did." me and sailordew are gonna go to a real-life salon and have some real life "hair artists" tell us what's what. we're also both toying with the idea of "wispy semi-bangs," which is the reason we're going to a real place instead of the local neighborhood great clips. we want a doctor to recommend whether or not we should even consider this life-changing procedure, so to speak. i hope it turns out well... bad hair is such a bitch to have to live with. i don't want to spend the next few months crying waiting for it to grow out. fingers be crossed.

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p.s. busty et al.: i will indeed be posting some pics from my trip. we didn't get many, but as soon as i get around to resizing them, i intend to share. in the meantime, here's one my uncle took, showcasing my fabulously toasted cleavage! why he couldn't wait for me to get off the phone, i do not know. enjoy!