ye olde crapfest

i'm so bored. i'm gonna blog the shit outta this thing today.

so i said i'd tell you about something interesting. this was actually provoked...or more like inspired...by a recent post on a blog that i just started reading. a good buddy has been trying the waters of the superweb, maybe someday we'll all add a link to our lexington-blogger-circle-jerk-action when the word is the word...but anyway, this buddy has got some concerns about the "l-word." not leprosy, not laproscopy, not lactation. i'm talkin' about love.

now, guy, i think your perception of the whole thing is perfectly warranted. and if your perception requires that you be perhaps distrustful of women, then so be it. i don't recommend hatred for the opposite sex, because then how can you ever hope to get laid? i myself have some seriously mixed emotions when it comes to mens. i'd love to love them. all of them. i get along with mens much better than i do the ladies. boomer said once that i have a lot less compassion for girls than i do boys. and this is true. i think boys have an excuse for being idiots, i guess. they just need a lady like me to keep them on track. but i'm getting off subject. so yes, usually, i like mens. but...

for a little while there, i was seriously feeling massive quantities of hate towards all men. i had some opportunities to hang out with a few of them on semi-romantical levels and i pussed out because i figured they'd end up being just like "the others," doing an about-face and pulling the rug out from underneath me. but shit happens, and after mulling all of this over and taking into account the crazy shit that's been going on around me, i've come to the following conclusion:

all men may be evil. it doesn't matter. you just have to learn how to not expect them to be otherwise. they may turn out not evil, and if that happens, then right on. if they are and you can't put up with it, well, that's why we have things like "breaking up" and "divorce." the same goes for ladies, atm... whether they're evil or not, you've gotta decide that that's not your problem. and whoever you end up with is going to turn out to be able to think in precisely the same way--she'll be able to see that maybe sometimes you can be evil, and she'll just be alright with that.

and this goes along with my theory that everyone is a little evil. nice balance, you know? so if you can find someone who's the same kind of evil as you are, then you're all set.

what's amazing is that just in writing this, i've realized that it is possible to be perfectly cynical and hopelessly oblivious to things like "love," and at the same time, to still know that there's a chance that there's someone out there who's gonna make you change your mind about the whole damn thing. deep down in the secret girl place, i'm holding on to that.

i've got to pee now. i know i'm rambling, i just wanted to take a second to comment, as i've been thinking about this for a while.

so the point is, don't rule out anything. just don't expect anything, either, and you'll be alright. but for gods sake, don't just give up, sperm retention syndrome is a biatch.

bathroom humor never fails with me. i'm not sure whether or not i'll eventually grow out of it, and i don't know if i care. you can be old and still like a good poop reference. i'm also not sure if i'll ever stop writing in the passive voice.

i do so love the passive voice.

alright, so i went to the jesus movie. self-proclaimed agnostic and self-proclaimed atheist walk into a movie theater full of people who are there to see the Real Deal True Life Jesus Story. and they got mel gibson's 50 million dollar version. so many people crying. i don't know if i've ever felt so out of place in my life. point is, it wasn't enough to convert me, so you're all off the hook for now. breathe easier. i'm feeling a little guilty for giving "them" my $5.75 (plus $10.25 for drinks and a tiny box of gummy bears!), but i'm going to show them...i'm taking my ticket stub to chik-fil-a for some free waffle fries, stat! if jesus is okay with taking my money, i'm okay with eating his delicious fried potatoes.

well, now it's time for my usual "i'm so freakin' glad it's friday" rant. friday is what i live for. i'm gonna relax it up tonight, maybe some movie watchin' action and some vino. and tomorrow is going to be nutso. i'm sure there will be pictures. i mean, i hope there will be pictures. and then, if we're lucky, buffalo fun on sunday. mmm...buffalo fun.

having lunch with "the boy" (not mine, sillies), aka "don juan de marco" or just mark, depending on who you're talking to. tay's got bidness to do, so he and i will be lunching and i will ask him all about his intentions with my daughter. as long as they're living under my roof, i will say what i mean and mean what i say.

i'm just gettin' silly now. i'll go work for a while, and then i'll come back and tell you all about something really interesting.

one last thing: someone just hit the crapfest after googling "slut drunkies." my friend, you don't even know the half of it.

well alright then. work is done. now i sit.

had lunch with jakebaby today, he's leaving for the appalachian trail (the whole thing!) on saturday, it's crazy. when he gets back, he's gonna be all skinny and bearded and will look a little like manson--they all do when they get back from these "sabbaticals in the jungle." i wish him the best of luck, i hope his dehydrated tube steak tastes great, and i urge him to always wear fairly clean underwear, i mean, what if something were to happen?

i'm glad we're buddies again. there was a time when i figured i'd be happy never speaking to him again...it was an unfortunate "twist of fate" the way things went down there, and yet, somehow, we have overcome the obstacles and gotten back to the point where i can make jokes about him masturbating to thoughts of me. have fun, joaquim. you will be missed. i know, i'll see you at the bar before you leave, but still...this is the official "crapfest sendoff!" you lucky bastard.

tuckdawg! i'm reading! keep writing! you're funny!

did i ever tell you that i play the gee-tar?

back to work! back to work!

i had a nice couple of days off, chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', etc...came in for a few hours yesterday and worked like the dickens to get everything done, so i got here today and found...well...nothing to do.

i take that back. i have to listen to some skyndyrd. for work. you don't believe me, but it's true. trust me, i've had enough skynyrd to last me nineteen lifetimes, and, no offense to you fans, but i'd NEVER voluntarily sit here and download and listen to anything that band ever recorded. even if it was some killer cover of some cure song.

speaking of the cure, i was about to leave the house this morning and i took a quick look in the mirror on my way out. it's a damn good thing! i was about to go out of the house (quoth ben folds) "all dressed up like the cure." not that i don't like the cure or the way that they dressed, it just doesn't suit me much. so i changed it up quick like a bunny, and that's the whole story.

some 12-year-old cig smoker started a major fire out behind my office building this morning. it was awesome! my old man smokin' buddy vince was like "quick! get some water!" and i stood there laughing like a sick combination of both beavis and butthead, in awe of the flames and the rolling smoke and the smell of burning.

oh, so, after i see jesus tonight, i may convert. if i do, you can trust that i will be proselytizing all over town. none of you will be safe. you've had fair warning.

alright it's almost 9am, and i'm up, but not for long. you see, i've taken the day off. well, maybe the whole day. i may go in this afternoon and get some things done, but until then, it is NapCityUSA. yes, i'm sick. no, i'm not that sick, but i didn't get a whole lotta sleep last night (the wine?), and a call to the office to say "i'll be late!" yielded the "well don't bring that sicky up in here!" response from the boss. okay. i mean, who am i to disobey the bosses orders?

i'm gonna do a little rain dance before i go back to sleep. if it rains, i get company. good company.

enjoy your days at work, friends. i'm sure i will regret this tomorrow when i've got double the work to do. but until then i will simultaneously nap and absorb daytime television via osmosis.

george wants in. adios.

yes, everyone, here it is..."the perfect gift for me," as it was dubbed by someone who should know...



BEHOLD!
the jesus jackhammer

yes, it is a dildy.

and no, i didn't order it.

but it would be a great addition to my powder room. so if anyone wants to shell out the $59.99, i'll gladly give it a place of honor right next to wooden virgin mary hinged dildy.

i am currently trying to draw something that involves taz. it's gonna be great, if i can make it happen. it's harder than i thought it would be.

my ears are ringing. we just had a "fire drill" that wasn't really a fire drill at all--the guy they got to come out and fix an electronic lock accidentally tripped it and then couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so it went off for a good twenty minutes. chaos.

friday did not disappoint. i've said it before and i'll say it again--my friends kick ass. and i got through some coulda-been-uncomfortable situations with some folks that i hadn't seen in a long, long, long time and for good reason--totally unscathed. and then after the bar, there was the semi-drama, but we all agree semi-drama for the sake of fixing what's broken is often acceptable. i know i feel a lot better...that final bit of unknown that i'd been sort of bugging out about has now been "dealt with," and i can get on with gettin' on.

and you wouldn't believe how cool bz was about the whole ordeal...he got served a big (drunken) plate full of "oh and by the way, i've been meaning to tell you..." and didn't even flinch. i like that.

and i'm sick. but i will just have to keep my chin up and drink lots of oj, and hopefully it won't last for long. i sort of like having that froggy voice, pink nose thing going on. i think it might even be cute.

it will be my birthday in 34 days. wowza!

i'll be 24. if you add up those two numbers, you get 6. three sixes in a row is the sign for the devil! i'm really scared!

i put off all kinds of stuff today so that i'd have something to do this afternoon. accomplished absolutely nothing between 9:15am and 3:30pm. then, i did all the stuff i had put off in about 20 minutes flat. so here i am. waiting to leave. lah-dee-dee-dah.

so it turns out that skiing weekend is also chicago weekend (don cab and dianogah! ten dollars!). i had to tell jism thanks but no thanks on the free tix to the show and the free ride, but that's okay. i'm really excited about wearing my snowsuit and skiing for free with two of the Greatest People On This Planet. but we still need to go to chicago really soon. maybe when it starts to get nice out.

i'm chatting with ninety jillion people right now, it's like a frenzy! tonight is gonna be fun.

i fucking love friday. come on lazy weekend, come on!

yo.

so this was awesome: i've been just about out of gas for the last three or four days...i think my gas light came on, oh, around sunday or monday, but i'm so wicked broke right now that i had no choice but to wait until today to fuel ol' mandrake up. anyways, as i was sitting at the main light at the centre last night she started to chug just a little, but i got home okay. didn't drive anywheres last night, got up this morning and she started fine. as i was turning onto harrodsburg road, the chug got bad and i decided i would go ahead and stop at the stupidamerica. well, as i'm turning into the aforementioned gas station, my car shut off, i lost power steering, etc., in other words, i ran out of gas. as i coasted right up next to the pump. beautiful.

puppy's here. i like that.

oh, so as far as my whole productive day yesterday goes, i did extremely well and am very proud of myself, i must say. i'm finally caught up at work, and the entire bottom half of my house is nearly spotless. that leaves the weekend for the upstairs and the cleaning of the car and the laundering.

now i will talk to a few of you specifically, the rest of you may go back to what you were doing:

tay--write something

queen d--i've been having an extremely disproportionate amount of the sex-type dreams lately, too. and it makes me feel a little slutty as well, but just for a second.

reba--so the other day i had that song in my head for hours, before you put it in your blog. that "nobody's gonna break my stride, ain't nobody gonna hold me down" song. apparently, it's by some dude named matthew wilder. but yeah, that was weird, and i've been meaning to tell you about it. our psychic connection is growing stronger every day.

it's 52 degrees outside already. the wind is kickin' though. i had to fight the (completely ridiculous) urge to put on flip flops and a tank top this morning. if you know me at all, this goes without saying, but i cannot fucking wait for spring.

why doesn't the glorious picture of those ho-hos work anymore? i can see it on one of my computers, but nowhere else. what the hell.

(a little after) midday update: things are going perfectly according to schedule. i will now go home and let the animals out, eat some sloppy joes, and then come back to finish kicking the shit out of my days' responsibilities.

oh, the puppy is coming this afternoon. you remember the puppy? i'm told he's gotten quite fat. he's probably not half as cute as he was, but we have this whole love connection thing going on, so i'm sure it'll be fine.

so i'm feeling quite wired today. can't explain it, but i've got about a million gallons of energy right now. i feel like i'm on the cusp of this major organizational spurt...it's gonna start any second now. i've got all of the things i need to get done this morning all laid out in efficient little piles, and i'm about to attack them one at a time with furious intent.

but it won't stop there. oh no.

i've already made a list of everything i'm going to do tonight and in the coming weeks, as the money allows for it. and one of the things on the list is "taxes," so that will have to happen soon, so that i can more quickly attain that money and get all the rest of this shit out of the way.

i am becoming responsible! i am becoming organized! i will make a budget this time, and this time, i will stick to said budget! i will not eat mcdonald's four times a week, no matter how much i love the pickle and those little minced onions on the cheeseburger!

so here i go...pile #1: sound files to edit. woohoo.

oh, but first, lemme introduce you to the new love of my life:



caramel ho-hos--my sweet, sweet destiny.

note to self (and all of you, of course): must use the phrase "president of hell" more often.

thanks queen d, or mr. queen d, rather.

and also, i've been doing some serious thinking, and i've decided that the fish tacos were not un-good. i actually would go so far as to say that i didn't hate them. thanks, fishalicious, for helping me to broaden my horizons. now all that's left for me to do is anal.

one day last week i was at home having some lunch, and el stevo was outside being a fatty...the time came for me to go back to work, and he refused to go in, so i was gonna leave him be. well, i get the car started, and he decides to change his mind and he wants in badly, so rather than turning the car off to get back in the house, i just removed my main key ring from the car key ring and let him in. problem solved. anyways, i've been carrying around these two sets of keys ever since, and thus far it has proved to be unproblematic, but i know i am merely tempting fate. i know that eventually the two rings are destined to be back together, but i'm enjoying the "lightness" of each individual ring so much that i just can't seem to do it. when i find myself either unable to get into (or start) my car, or locked out of the house or office, i will feel much like a dumbass. but until then, this is a "new thing," and god knows i love new things.

check out jeremy enigk, he makes my liver quiver.

i have a killer migraine and i just found out i don't have to work late so i don't wanna work anymore at all, but this is life, gotta make that cheese, gotta pay dem bills, gotta go the distance...

sorry 'bout your car, schmra. and also, i just talked to you, so now i know it is fixed, and i'm glad it wasn't anything too serious.

nishaan's in the town tonight. i'm hoping we can do a little "gettin' together" but she wants to go to common grounds and busters.

yeah, no.

so if i can convince her to maybe come out to the ol' southside, then i will get to see her. if not, then i won't. it's a damn shame. shit, i'd go out and drink with her if i had any money. but i do not. refer back to the inital point about the cheese and the distance...

must see the new mel gibson jesus movie. also the triplettes of belleville.

when am i ever gonna learn?
maybe this was it.

i mean, i'm HAPPY.

the day is nearly complete, and so far i've explained to about ten people how to escape from the "crimson room," i've done some major damage to ONE WHOLE SCRIPT! and i've listened to the b-52s "rock lobster" nineteen times in a row. it's all part of the fantastic celebration for messrs. washington and lincoln's b-days. happy day, george and abe! you are my favorite presidents on whose birthdays i cannot bank or mail things! fuck yes!

well okay. so it's monday again, and again, i have lots to do, and again i don't think i'm gonna do it, cuz there's no one here to make me feel as though i ought to. instead, i am catching up on strongbad emails, playing a bunch of online puzzly-type games, and wanting very badly to take my freakin' shoes off. oh, i got new shoes. here is what they look like:



yes, they have huge heels, and i am not quite accustomed to this (though i am getting much, much better at it, i must admit). they're corduroy. microsoft paint actually does them much justice, amazingly. moving on...

this weekend was lovely--all of it. 'nuff said. i'm only sorry there aren't any pictures. it's a damn shame. oh well, there will be other opportunities, it seems...

and what else? oh, i dunno. didn't get to rollerskate yesterday for a number of logistical reasons, but there is plenty of interest, so i guess next weekend then. you know, it only costs four dollars plus a buck to rent skates. it's the same price as it was the last time i went to champs--in 1992. amazing, ain't it?

i am starving and all i can think about is donatos. but it's early. i'll hold out so i can do some real damage once i decide to order. kings of pizza, i'm telling you. you absolutely cannot go wrong with the pepperoni & mushroom combo. oh i forgot...for dinner on saturday, i had: the most interestingly prepared calimari of all time, it was great; superfantabulous lobster bisque; a 10 ounce filet mignon with bernaise sauce and crabmeat on top; german chocolate mu'fuckin' cheesecake; a bottle of wine and much much makers and coke...yum yum yum.

and on some other (vague, of course) notes, a) ha! that's the funniest and most ridiculously far from the truth thing i've ever heard! just keep on living in that magical land, buddy, i'm sure it's just non-stop fun and cutting-edgeness, yeah! b) good god thank the lord someone is finally starting to see things as they are...maybe this will get the ball rolling on some much needed putting-in-the-places, and c) i have to go ahead and drop the bomb. nervous, i am. but it cannot be avoided for much longer.

did i mention that my shoes hurt? my shoes hurt.

so i'm here just sorta hangin' out waiting for 10:30 at which point i will leave for my doctors appointment with my Brand New Doctor. not sure if this dude is a "dude" or a..."dudette." first name: "helle." i'm hoping it's pronounced "hell-uh," cuz that's kinda cool. but anyway, yeah, i'm excited to get out of the office for, oh, about three hours. my day will be nicely chopped in two.

my boss--big daddy, not the other one--just asked,

"cranda, you got that doctors appointment today?"

"yeah, i'm gonna leave about ten thirty."

"you made sure to wear the clean panties, right?"

and with that, i sighed and made my way back to my mountain dew and the blogging...

thank jeebus for fridays. i'm getting sick of this whole "five day week" thing, and can't for the life of me figure out how i'm ever gonna be able to do it for the next 52 years. perhaps this will be the thing that i feel so very strongly about that i decide to get off my lazy ass and protest and lobby and activate. i think two days of work, one day of rest, two days of work, two days of rest. sounds good, right? everyone automatically gets wednesdays off. it makes so much sense, you know?

i'm thinkin' about maybe roller skating sunday afternoon. what say you?

oh, and also, HI! HERE'S MY FAVORITE GRAFFITI EVER!

i do believe today is a lazy day. i don't think this is necessarily a good thing, as i have much work to do, and people will start calling any second now wondering where their shit is...but fuck it. i feel like taking a long lunch and maybe even playing some games.

a good buddy who has recently moved in the vicinity of our glorious nation's glorious capital is finally back "in-the-picture," "on-the-line," etc. it's good to hear from him, he's doing really well, and that makes me really happy. i often get the sads when i think about all the junk we did/didn't put each other through, but now, the sads go away right quick when i think about all the good news he laid on me recently (he got to meet the bad guy from the goonies--twice!). good luck with everything, jarvis b., you, more than most folks, definitely deserve it. and that picture of us outside riverfront will always be one of my absolute faves.

i just ate a double-decker oatmeal creme pie. it was excellent.

i'm sitting on the phone with my cellphone company trying to get them all straightened out, and the shitty thing is, i really actually have tons of work to do right now. i kind of want to be doing it so that i can get it done and maybe get out of here before six...so anyway, stupid cellphone, yeah.

i think i will have some lobster bisque for lunch today. just typing those words made my mouth water just a little...i may even invest in a bucket of bisque this time around...take it home and freeze it and enjoy it anytime i please. i can't wait til noonish.

i didn't do anything i had intended to last night. instead, i went over to boomalicious's house, ate chili, watched the singing and merriment, jousted, ate brownies, then went home. there, i immediately grabbed my guitar and started dicking around (i like to do this when i'm alone and it's quiet). ten minutes later, black z. returned from his 16-hour day, and the guitar went back to its hiding place. more jousting and a visit from the wild turkey fairy, and then BED! BED I SAY! i were tired. i get up real early now (around 6ish), and find myself wanting to sleep around 10pm. it's not bad at all. i think my favorite part of waking up nowadays is the "no alarm" aspect. i haven't heard that blaring, horrid "EEERR EEERR EEERR EEERR EEERR EEERR EEERR" noise in a long time, and it's the best frickin' thing ever.

anyways, what else? it's day three of the "young professional" costume series. i'm working on a plan that i'm hoping will get me some clothes money from the bosses, but odds are not so good. maybe i will wear the unicorn costume tomorrow, or perhaps i'll be an angel. stay tuned.

takin a break from the ol' bump and grind.

wait a minute, that's not right.

well, whatever it is, i'm takin a break from it.

i am three posts away from shamsway damie status, and the excitement is starting to get to me. i need to come up with three jokes, that'd do it. schmra beat me to it, but we were never really racing in the first place.

tonight, i plan to finally get around to unpacking those last couple of boxes, and maybe even hooking up the electronics-fest in my bedroom. not that i've had any need for any of it up to this point; i've probably spent like, eighteen minutes tops in there over the last month. i may even put pictures on the wall. i must be bonkers.

all the links work now, so feel free to browse. it's all stuff you've probably seen, with the exception of "usurpers." so, checky checky.

i think i'm about to have my first good valentine's day ever. it's a monumentous occasion, and as a result, my giddiness is increasing with each passing day. so, is it friday yet?

oh! god! speaking of monumentous occasions, my TENTH EVER DEBIT CARD arrived in the mail yesterday. it's glorious. it is my goal to make this the final, absolute last, terminal debit card. if i lose this one, i am going to flog myself. or maybe i'll have someone else do it, it sounds real hard to do it yourself. but i guess some crazy catholics do it, and also ed norton in fight club. so, maybe i will do it myself. we'll see.

smell ya' later...

oh god! my knowledge of that one REM song has just reminded me that it is, indeed, a leap year! you know what that means...

stupid mondays. weekends go too fast, especially when you're way too busy being perfectly content.

i'm wearing a skirt today, because last week my boss mentioned that it'd be in my best interest to try to look more "professional" more often. blah blah blah. all i know is, wooly kneesox and all, i'm a little chilly in the undercarriage area. we shall see how long this lasts.

this week had better go quickly. i hear that i may have surprises awaiting me this weekend, and dear sweet jesus i just love surprises! that and work is an awful horrible place, and i don't think anyone should ever be forced to go there for five godawful days in a row. i am a lazy bum.

okay moving on, now i will tell you about my weekend. it was action packed! all of my friends were involved in some crazy situations, including but not limited to the following:

• boomer bought a motorcycle. a big, huge, loud and shiny harley-davidson dynaglide lowrider. she looks awesome when she's riding it. it has a custom paint job with a glittery eagle/skull/snake thing. it's totally bitchin. she said she'd take me for a ride soon. i can't wait!
• ms. dew and i have applied for positions at the starbucks downtown. we were just sitting around the other day drinking that new orange flavored listerine and talking about deep-type stuff, and we realized that we were missing out on so many things. we're hoping that our new jobs will help get us moving in the right direction.
• me and a few of my new friends from that meeting i went to went out and protested something really important. activation sure feels nice. i recommend it.
• i got a phone call at 3am saturday from mix's mom saying that she was worried that her son was "falling in with the wrong crowd" and that she had a sneaking suspicion that he was involved with some sort of top-secret arms dealings or something. i told that crazy bitch to shut up.
• jesse made a delicious cheezy bubble and squeak and some tasty bean fritters with anchovie and licorice paste. he took the prize and learned some valuable lessons in the process.

is that all? i suppose so. well, not everything. i left out the part about my crazy haircut and the tye-dying.

and now, here is a link to a site which features interesting things you can put on the end of any standard drill.

also, i'm making some minor changes to the ol' fest. i'm putting links to stuff that isn't quite there yet, so don't go gettin' all clickety too quickly. realistically speaking, it'll probably all be settled on monday...

fridayfridayfriday. made it thru yet another week without dying. yeehah. the whole of beaumont centre is covered in a dense, thick fog, and i guess many people are taking this as their sign to go home early. the parking lot here is totally empty, and i got my princess spot...this never happens. speaking of the parking lot, i haven't seen SLW HND's car here in a while. maybe he went back to japan.

i've been in a lot of elevators lately, and i've noticed a trend. you know those "certificates of operation" or whatever they are that are supposed to be hanging in there at all times so that riders on the elevator can look at them and see that the thing's been maintained and tested and is kept up to code and all? yeah, well, if you'll notice, none of them is ever current. ever. i'm serious. check it out. the one at central baptist was three years old. the one in this building expired last year. maybe i'm wrong, who knows.

i went home for lunch and had yummy egg salad sammiches with zack. now i'm just waiting for 5 o'clock. or maybe 4. or 3. we'll see.

you ever had this happen to you? where you get so used to waking up with something everyday and going to bed with it every night, and you're just so used to it that one day, you wake up and it's gone, and you barely even notice? i'm not talking about people or blankets or stuffed pigs or anything like that...more like...like, this haze or this sort of fog or maybe it's more like a...shit i don't know. it's not even like it was necessarily a bad thing...but whatever it was, now that it's gone, i'm feeling oddly refreshed and even a little excited about what's gonna happen next.

as far as all else goes, it's snowing. i prefer that it snow on the weekends when i can sit in the house and enjoy it, but i only get to control weather three weeks out of the year, and unfortunately, this is not one of those weeks.

i went to cinci for dinner with dad and amy and my aunt and uncle. we had good fun. i drank lots of bourbon and ate ribs and chicken. i also sampled the following: prime rib, shrimp, duck (yum!), and warm apple caramel shortcake. our waiter was an annoying turd who felt the need to give us a play-by-play on everything he was doing. examples, you ask? sure! oh, and his name was chris.

dad: "could i get another heineken? and a mug? when you get a chance?"

annoying turd chris: "yes, sir. i'll be right back with that, i just need to stop by some of my other tables and let them know that they have my attention. they tend to compensate me more at the end of the night when i do so (and then he WINKED!)."

well, duh, annoying turd chris! we all know how the waiter/customer situation works... and what's more, i don't need you to inform me that you'll "have that butter out in just a second," because you "really can't wait much longer," you've "got to use the restroom," and you "usually wouldn't tell a table that," but you "wanted to let us know" so that we "wouldn't think we'd been abandoned!"

yeah, he sucked. the valet boys, however, did not suck in any way. and as i waited for the rest of the crew to finish purchasing their take-home sized bleu cheese dressings and potato chips, the non-sucking valet boys and i chatted it up about politics, philosophy, astrophysics, and obscure documentaries. it was awesome.

tonight, i'm gonna sew buttons on my jacket, and maybe on my underwear.

Morning gray ignites a twisted mess of foreign shapes and sounds,
I wish the ceiling was the ground.
I'll send you flowers made of silent tiny pieces of the sun
to help me make up for this one.
While you send me tidal waves of love when you're alone
and I can't remember what you do
to find a way to turn the signal back to heaven sounding blue
and bring me faithful back to you.

And she don't hold me right,
she's never going to get me there.
And she don't hold me right,
she's never going to get me there, not tonight.

If we break off gently in slow motion spinning outward into space,
my hand, always firm and gently at the wheel,
While you sweetly hold my face.
And I need you to give it meaning,
I need you to share the view
or it becomes a time for me to love myself
like every other thing I do.

And she don't hold me right,
she's never going to get me there.

And she don't hold me right,
she's never going to get me there, not tonight.

---------------------------------------------------------------

*sigh*

sometimes i feel like a nut, ya' know what i mean?

well i'm sitting at home on the first day since god knows when that i've actually had a few minutes to myself in the new place. it's a little weird, honestly. count blackula started blasting school today (tonight), and in six weeks, he will be fully certified to legally blow the shit out of things unsupervised. what an in-fucking-credibly handy skill! so yeah, he's off doing that, and steve the bastard cat is outside causing trouble. i am waiting patiently for him to come back so i can spank the area closest to his ass without actually spanking his ass, and watching that show about the witches for the first time in weeks. i missed the one where pru dies AGAIN, dammit. i'm also doing laundry, trying to fix my computer, and balancing a gigantic tennis ball (george's toy) on my knee. i like to balance things sometimes. it's a hobby that comes and goes. soon enough, the calvary will begin to roll in, and this quiet weirdness will go away. i will probably miss it a little.

my boss brought me back this crazy coozie from the superbowl. it's a coozie, and it's crazy!

'sup, hooks?!?!?!

i'm just finishing the last bite of one of the most delicious cookies i've ever ingested. ah...hooray for early morning sugar satisfaction.

the mexican party was good fun. as usual, i drank way too many 2-4-1 margaritas way too fast, and then got the ball rolling on some delightful monroe transfer conversation... "just relax...it's my signature move!" (if you're not sure what the monroe transfer is, you should ask someone who specializes in dirtiness, like, for instance, me. or maybe you don't even wanna know.)

cosmo tells me that february 22nd, i should plan some sort of "sexy ambush." i am currently going over the logistics and running some scenarios to find out just what sort of "sexy ambush" i can a) afford, and b) pull off without getting shot or arrested. i'm open to suggestions. and also, what the hell is a "sexy ambush?"

in other news, dooce is having her baby. i don't even know the woman, but still, i'm feeling very excited for her.

you know what's awesome? ME!

hey hey hey! so it's sunday...(sort of) morning, and i thought i'd do some superwebbing before i get to cooking breakfast. zack has leapt into the 90s and hooked his computer up to the tv in here, so we never really have any reason to get off the couch. well, for the time being, until he can procure a wireless keyboard and mouse, if you wanna do any typing or mousing, you've gotta get right up next to the thing, but fuck it. still cool. we got up early and went to the grocery, bought meats and sweets and canned veggies and land o' lakes white american cheese sliced extra thin.

ol' lady jones here was in bed by 12 last night, and i don't care who hears about it. while you all were out filling your livers with toxins and getting drunken fitful sleep, i was perfectly sober and sleeping soundly with an 18-pound kittie on my head.

i missed out on the flea market yesterday, and also nishaan. poopy.

random thoughts, random junk...trying to think of what else i can tell you, and all i'm able to come up with is this: neil young's such a woman is on and i think maybe i'll sing along and get a tear.