ye olde crapfest

i've been working my ass off this morning, and if all goes according to schedule, i will be done with work-stuff around 1pm, then i'll take my lunch break and finish up the cig shopping (more about that some other time), go home and throw the rest of the junk in bags, load up the car, and be ready for zack to get home. and then, it's 88 miles per hour, marty!

we're staying in littleittybittytown, west virginia tonight. west virginia can be a creepy-type place. wish me luck.

thanks to the handful of folks (my only friends, really) who showed up last night for the two hours of semi-fun at marikka's. we're old folks, zack and i...it's kind of sad, kind of funny, kind of comforting, kind of nice.

so anyway, i'm getting the hell out of town. i may be posting on occasion from the moms' house, who knows. i'll be reading all of your blogs, though, so keep it up peoples. i'm bringing back junk and kitsch for anyone who wants it. just let me know, and i'll pick you up something fabulous.

what a crap day. crap crap crap. god, thank you for giving us that word...i don't know what i'd do without it.

i had a nice lunch with mr. boomfield, who treated me to some delicious pasta plus (i had the gobbler, it has cream cheese on it). thanks, mr. b. then we went to wal-mart, where i bought some fire extinguishers, blank cds and batteries for the office, and z and i stocked up on munchies for the road trip. so the lunching hour was totally acceptable and un-crap. but then i had to come back to work.

oh, meantime, i talked to "maaa," who was over at the grandparents' house playing nurse, and she sounds sooo excited to see me, and didn't even ask what my plans were for when i'm there. who knows, maybe she's grown up a little since a month or two ago and she's gonna be perfectly tolerable this time around. maybe.

come to marikka's tonight, folks. even if i hate you, come anyway. i'll at least give you some kind of dirty look or talk about you real loud while you're standing off a few feet away from me. and there's BEER there. lots of BEER. i'm leaving tomorrow, it's the least you can do.

and that's all i've got for now. well, there's more, but i just don't feel like messing around with this thing right now. sayonara, mis amigos.

some yatch got butt implants to look like j lo, and look what happened. her butt a splode.

damn the wednesdays. i have soooooo much to do before i leave on friday, including getting up the gumption to actually call and talk to my mother. that's guaranteed to bring me more hassle than all the rest of it. you see, my mother is less like a mother and more like a really fucked up 47-year-old teenager with too many children and not enough common sense. and she always manages to make my visits up there more stressful than they need to be. she acts like her intentions are good ("i missed out on watching you grow up! i just want to spend time with you!") but i can see right through all that action. in reality, she thrives upon drama...creating it, cultivating it, maintaining it... and my sister and i are just one more thing that helps her to create and intensify tension within the extended family. she's the reason my sister won't be coming along this summer, plain and simple. sarah can't deal with it... she's too much like my mother to put up with her crap; instead they butt heads and feed each others' anger--it's never pretty. i on the other hand feel like "hey, i only see the woman once a year, it's not like she ever calls me or tries to actually be involved in any other way, i can put up with it for a week IF (and this is key) that's what it takes to see my brother." and the week always comes and goes, and i put up with her crap, and she makes things really rough, but i get to spend time with elijah, who grows a full year in between our all-too-infrequent visits, and that's all i really care about. with z there, she'll most likely be on her best behavior, at least until she gets 18 bud lights in her.

some folks hear me talk about my "relationship" with my "mother" and i can see the look of pity and shock in their eyes... a lot of it sounds not so much jerry springer-esque, maybe more like rikki lake-esque, but it's my reality, and has been my whole life. i feel like i've done pretty well for myself even if you factor in all the craziness. a lot of times, i don't factor in the craziness. my father did just fine taking care of my sister and i, he's really one of the most noble and dedicated and great men on the planet, i guarantee that... it always pissed me off when my sister tried to act like we'd had some sort of rough upbringing, and tried to use that as her excuse for being all fucked up, when in reality it's my mother's damn DNA that did it.

anyway, yes, it's a tragic tale of abandonment and maliciousness and drinking and drugs and emotional abuse. but i'm not too worried about it. you see, it's helped me to KNOW exactly what i DON'T want to be. really, if anything, it's made me a really good mama (no, no babies yet). whether you're my animal, my friend, my significant other (hi zack) or even the neighbor kid, i try really hard to look after you. to not flake out when you need me. to make you a boob cake or something on your birthday. so if that's what i've learned from my mother, then thanks mom, i appreciate it. you believin'-in-fairies sunburned drunk you.

i am such a fucking liar! i think if i tallied it all up, i've spent more of my life lying than i have eating pizza or sucking c0ck, or eating pizza and sucking c0ck put together. lie lie lie, bullshit bullshit bullshit. it's an art, and i've always been verymuch against art. so that makes me a liar AND a hypocrite. dammit all to hell.

hey hey! do you like awesome things? if so, i will see you thursday.

unless, of course, you're some kind of L7 weenie.

you know how, in p0rn0, dudes will like, show the camera the entire vagina?  like, spread it all nice and open and the camera will zoom in and the dude's like, making sure to get all of the wrinkles and folds out of the way so you can see the whole thing...  well, for some reason, over the years, i've come to associate that with the word "presenting," because every time i see it, i think "and now, the presentation of the vagina," or *insert trumpet here* "presenting, the cooch!" or some other such non-sexy nonsense. 
 
and so, without further ado...
 
*duh-duh-duh-DAH*
"presenting...the mildly different crapfest 2000 part deux!"

i know you're excited, i can tell by that crazy look on your face.
 
i'll probably be messing with this thing today, if i get some time, that is.  so i apologize for any ugliness in the interim.   

five days til pseudo-vacation! turns out i get to meet my first colostomy bag while i'm there, so that'll be wicked good fun. i can't wait to get out of this town again. but i need someone to check in on my cats while i'm gone. any volunteers? they just need fed and watered and let out every once in a while--easy stuff. i'll even throw in a lifetime supply of charleston chew for any takers.

haha, i am so lying about the charleston chew.

in the wee hours of the morning, i had a dream that bordered on psychic. it's been coming true in tiny little chunks ever since. it's REALLY freaking me out. like, more than anything has ever freaked me out before. ever.

anywhoooo, i had a good weekend. i was ridiculously productive and also managed to go out and party like a rock star at least once. granted, i had two large glasses of wine and two bourbons before even venturing to the bar (where there was much much more bourbon), so i was a mess very early on, but that can be fun every now and then. and of course, there was all of the attention from the millions of boys, old ones, new ones, etc., and i remembered yet again why going out can sometimes be such a pain in the ass. but i managed to prove to myself that i can indeed stay up til 5 in the morning like all the other cool kids. so that's good.

oh yeah, hey shuster, just1n t00n wanted me to tell you happy birthday. and also, he said stop making fun of his glasses.

AN HYSTERICAL LISTING OF THE TOP (HOWEVER MANY) INSIDE JOKES
OF THE LAST FEW YEARS OR SO
this is intended to make folks laugh, not to hurt any feelings or alienate any sensitive fuckers...we laugh at these things because they are funny, not because we're laughing at you
(in most cases, unless of course you deserve it)

• awesome idea!
• "(name omitted), your mother's an adultress."
• indianapolis
• "they're the same"
• tessical
• turboslut
• pimpin' in the 2000, ya heard me?!?
• "that whole thing perspired before my very eyes"
• cranza's mom lives in a truckstop
• $200!?!?!
• impaling
• the jenkins situation
• jousting
• cigarettes are illegal
• bricklebrit!
• face melting
• inspirational!
• i am the ghost of j.a.!
• he/she is socially unattractive
• tampon bay
• afternoon delight
• the monroe transfer (works best at dinner!)
• i'm in jail

i know there's got to be more. help me out, peoples...

HOLY CRAP!

The State on dvd?
no. fucking. way.

i've been waiting for this for a long, long time.

and yes, your tacos are delicious, i was just kind of hoping i could still get my mail...

let me tell you, there is nothing like getting bare-ass spanked awake in the morning. i guess he thought i was already awake, but no, i was sleeping quite soundly, thank you very much.

Z: SUH-LLLAAAAAPPPP! "bye, babe."

ME: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!?!?!?!"

...and then i went back to sleep and dreamed that my dad was driving a whole bunch of us out to dinner in this big van with the seats all folded down. there was a lot of luggage and i was constantly trying to rearrange the stuff so we could all sit comfortably. dad kept pulling u-ies, making really sharp turns and otherwise driving like a jackass. and then my alarm went off (z has "buzzer," i have "ocean sounds") and my dream translated that "rushing water" sound into reba suddenly exclaiming that she had peed everywhere.

and on that note, i've had enough of friday morning. come on 5 o'clock.

hey hey! me again. just got some things on the brain and figured i'd blargh them. thara copthey called me today (that's my little sis for those of you who are unfamiliar). she's finished her qualification testing for her GED, and passed all five sections with really good scores. now she just has to take the actual test, which i'm told happens in two parts. that is scheduled for week after next. congrats early, ms. "blunt 2000 ya' heard me!" it only took you six years, but you did it.

for those of you who haven't heard the story, she dropped out of waggener traditional high school in louisville (principal: mr. scott jones, the same scott jones of mo-zeek middle school fame)with about three months left in her last semester. needed, like three credits. and all because she was REALLY REALLY high in ISAP one day and wanted a sandwich, and all they had was bologna. she claimed the bologna was rotten, and took her protest all the way to mr. jones' office. he gave her the option of chilling out, shutting the fuck up and eating her questionable bologna sandwich, OR, dropping out of school. she must have been truly worried about that sandwich, cuz that was her last day at waggener.

i'm pretty proud of her. every time she's called me in the last few months, it's been good news. that's a welcome change; maybe she won't end up being my mother after all.

haley's here today. we went to fagoli's for a freezi, and jammed out to some outkast with all the windows down. it was awesome.

i have on pajamas today, and no one is the wiser. g-man even commended me on my excellent outfit. i was like "ha ha it's a slip and a camisole! joke's on you!" but i didn't say that out loud, of course. well then, that's it. back to playing "hide the office supplies" with hay. later, gators.

lazy sunday afternoon

new stuff from brandon bird.

so let's say you're seven years old again, and you're settled in front of the tv at like, 6:30am on a saturday with your bowl of cookie crisp or cap'n crunch, and the transformers come on.

now, think hard. how many times can you remember wishing those transformers would just go on and do something sexy? millions, i'm guessing.

well, here you go.

and also, a nytimes interview with sacha baron cohen aka ali g, borat, and bruno. he's cute. thanks to buff mike, who no longer goes by buff mike, for the link. (oh, yeah, you'll have to register, sorry.)

haha, i write like a dude! thanks for the big ups, anonymous internet crusher; it's always nice to hear good things about yourself.

and now, here is a picture of a carrot that looks like it's got a dong.

i wish i could find more celebrity gossip sites like defamer. it's hard to waste away your day when you look at the same twenty or so sites over and over and over and over again in rapid succession. i do enjoy the celebrity gossip though. whether it's lindsay lohan's boobs or mary kate and ashley's latest hijinx, or the poop on who's doing whom and all that action... i can't get enough. it's helpful when playing jeopardy or trivial pursuit, too.

take this story, for example... it's like comedy gold.

on other fronts, i may go drink lots of beers (hopefully free beers) at marikka's with boom and ern and bung and maybe black z. and if i'm not asleep in my own lap by 10, i may even hang around for the big game, which i will try to rig using the power of temporal stasis.

note to self: grab cd's for the car! this is imperative!

i hate this stupid bra. it's one of those strapless jobbies that doesn't like to stay up--you know what i'm talking about. no matter how big your bubbins get, you can't get the damn thing to stop sliding down your back. i think i'll have to get rid of it during my next "bathroom break."

haha, i thought about that yesterday. i must take, like, 18 "bathroom breaks" per day. i never say "hey bosses, i'm gonna go smoke and dick around in my car for a while," instead i say "i'm gonna go use the restroom real quick, be right back." this is much more legitimate, and if i don't get caught, they never have a clue. and on these "bathroom breaks," i am free to take my sweet ass time, because my old-man bosses are not about to ask me why i took so long relieving myself (except maybe steve, he's ridiculously inappropriate sometimes). though i must say, i've been much more likely to throw in a post-cig visit to the actual loo the last couple of weeks. i've been peeing like some kind of pee-machine. i assume it's all the juice i've been ingesting. dew is temporarily out and juice is the new dew.

why swear off dew, you ask? well, i'll tell you--i hate their new commercial staring the world's lamest actor ever, mr. steven seagal. you know the one--he's in the convenience store with his hair plugs and fake tan and the ethnic cashier like, wants something or something and seagal assumes he wants an autograph, and there may be some martial arts involved. i can't watch it; i don't really remember much more than that.

most heinous thing ever. shame on you, dew.

it's times like these that i wish i still had my super-secret blog that no one knew about, so i could say what i really want to say.

and i thought i was done with all of that shit. sometimes i wonder about my mental stability, you know?

shit! i will give you eight dollars (in monopoly money) if you will come out here and bring me a pack of camel lights. EIGHT DOLLARS (in monopoly money)! imagine all of the things you could (not really) buy with all of that (monopoly) money! balls!

i have a headache. zack's bringing me my keys sometime between now and 5 o'clock, and once that happens, all i've gotta do is find a ride home so i can retrieve mandrake (that's my car, newbies). why didn't i just call in today?

there's some craziness in the air, homies. i can't exactly say what it is right now, but it's definitely there... in the air... over there... by that chair. i could TOTALLY be on charmed, writin' spells and shit.



i am finally seeing...
i was the one worth leaving

i got out of bed at a reasonable time this morning, got dressed up and even put on makeup. the plan was to get to work early today. it would not be so. i think my keys are in zack's car. i hope my keys are in zack's car. i don't have any cigarettes either--i was gonna stop on the way in and get some. lame.

i spent the vast majority of the weekend relaxing by the pool. i even sort of have a tan. amazing. drinking in the sun--it never fails to give you a headache and knock you out by 9pm. and yet, i decided to do it two days in a row. *shakes head disdainfully*

i just got my cell phone bill for this month. 60 bucks in roaming charges from talking to folks in atlanta and miami. i didn't even realize i was roaming. haha. that's funny in a REALLY SHITTY RIDICULOUS STUPID WAY. i am planning on getting a second job. if i'm allowed to, that is.

anyone got any big nights and weekends job leads? i'm kind of looking for like, 8 or 9 bucks an hour to do something along the lines of watching television.

prepare yourselves:

i've been giving some serious thought to going to the tanning bed. just once or twice between now and the last week of july (vacation time), so that when i get to the beach, we don't have a repeat of the 2004 SunBurnAThon. and you know, when i went to the ups store to drop off a package, i almost went in the tanning bed. but this girl that works there looks like the most ridiculously idiotic bitch ever (she wears a ton of lip liner. LIP liner), and we made eye contact and winky said "aw naw bitch shut the fuck up!" and i decided maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. oh yeah, winky is the voice in my head that talks a lot of smack about just about everything and everyone. he's a real prick.

i'm looking forward to relaxing this weekend, and to not spending money (see below). i think i'm just gonna bite the bullet and go ahead and move my clothes and other personal effects upstairs. it's a little freaky-deaky, but it seems like it'll be fine.

i spent some time this morning on some forum trying to convince this poor teenage girl that taking her clothes off on the internet is not a good career or life choice, but all she had to say was something along the lines of "fuck you i'm so punk rawk and you suck ass you big square!" and then some other dude said she was flabby and i laughed.

other than that and some residual anger/resentment towards some things i can't control, i've got nothing!

until monday then.....

i'm in all kinds of debt and would appreciate a handout. and if you're against giving away money for no reason, i will do a number of things for negligible amounts of cash. just run it by me, i'll let you know what the "fee" is.

thankyouverymuch,

me

my dad is always trying to marry me off. i was just talking to him on the telly, and he goes,

"hang on a second. todd! come here! now, i know you just got engaged, but i'm talking to my daughter...THIS one (i assume he was showing off some picture from his desk). she's 24, has a degree in classics..."

"DAD!"

"what?!"

"seriously, you've gotta stop doing that."

he giggled and we moved on to the topic of atari 2600. he's trying to buy one off ebay, but keeps getting "sniped" (i just learned this term from mr. computer himself, thanks buddy...), or outbid at the last possible second. it's happened five times now. i told him to hire a hitman to kill the internet. i think he's doing that right now.

is jessepowerbar alive? does anyone know? he never calls me anymore. :( we used to love each other.

so okay, now i'm a little bit freaked out.

it was supposed to rain today, so we stayed up relatively late... dumb dumb dumb. i'm tired again, and no rain means no rain-out for z, which means i don't have a pizza buffet partner AGAIN.

jism called me today...it seems one of my archnemeses from high school is back in la'ville and in one of his classes. really, she was a good buddy, we had lots in common, but then, i "stole her boyfriend." i never quite got that, since she never bothered informing anyone about her big crush on nathan (pronounced "naaah-thin"), and then when he and i got together, she decided to hate it up and talk a bunch of shit about both of us. we did make a deal long, long ago. we said "no matter where we are or what we're doing, if we haven't talked in ten years or whatever, we will both show up at our reunion to egg kr1st1n d03hn3rt's car." you know, it wouldn't surprise me if that's exactly how things go. i kind of missed her over the years. we used to fuck some shit up.

well i managed to get back to sleep for a while this morning, but not for long. let's just say my bladder had other ideas. so i'm up, i'm showered, and i'm on the damn intersuperwebbernet. i'm actually browsing around on ebay, looking for something good for dad's bday/dad's day combo gift. it has to be "unexpected," because as i said, my father is some kind of wizard. he always guesses what his gifts are, no matter how cleverly you wrap it or try to throw him off the trail. schmra suggested getting him something he'd never expect, to which dad responded "i'd never expect a bong." haha. can i get my dad a bong? isn't that, like, wrong or something?

anyway. it's hump day (though, if you'd been here between 7 and 10 yesterday evening, you might've gotten confused and thought yesterday was hump day.... eeeeew), which is also donato's pizza day. can i make it to friday? sometimes i really don't know.

talked to my sorta brother yesterday. he's picking up some tickets for six flags while z and i are up in rhody. my aunt said "are you gonna go? people have been dying A LOT there lately." i tried to explain how the concept of "murder park" somehow appeals to me even more than "fun park." i don't think she got it.

i must go get dressed now. gotta go to work early to rehook the stupid fax machine. stupid.

my friends and i, we're crazy

when will i ever get used to having a good¹ boyfriend? he manages to make my day without even knowing he's doing it. it's like magic.

i imagine i'm jinxing myself. i'm sure tonight, the domestic violence will begin.

bring it! i've been working out!



does my hair look weird in this picture?

***¹ quick revision: i realized upon re-reading that this implies all the others were somehow bad. and this would perhaps lead one to believe that my exes and i have bad juju or something. truth is, in most cases, i remain pretty good friends with the exes, they were all plenty good in their own ways...i'd hate for them to read this and feel all crumb or anything, and i know they're all sensitive fellas. ha! what i was getting at was that z's a lot more traditional in some ways, with the doing of "boyesque" things that make me feel very fluttery "girlesque." this is something i never really thought i wanted before, so i didn't encourage it in the past, so it's not like i could've bitched about not having it. does that make sense? damn, i think i ruined my bodybuilder joke :(

in retrospect, i think i can officially say that this was in fact the Best 4th of July Weekend Ever. wow. i mean, it was fucking great. good food, good people, lots of exploding--all weekend long. i can't find a damn thing to complain about, but that's been happening a whole lot lately in general ;)

friday was spent at the homestead, cleaning up and watching all of da ali g show episodes on hbo on demand... zack and i tried the whole downtown fun thing on saturday, but we were both too too hot to make it very long, so we got our hawaiian shave ices and called it a day. jism came down on saturday evening and accompanied mr. and ms. bloompsey over to cool granny's house, where we ate gigantic mid-rare burgers and drank good wine. then the three of us young'ns went down into the field and set off the show for the old folks on the porch. i played mama to the little neighorboy who wanted to do sparklers while simultaneously holding his hands over his ears. that was fun.

what then? oh yes, back home to drink ourselves to sleep, and then up early on sunday to get to dad's. we started drinking around 2, and didn't stop til 3 in the morning. people showed up, people left, there was volleyball, there were bottle rockets, there was attempted baby-killing. zack and i thought we'd be funny and try to get dad back for nonchalantly tossing packs of black cats into our volleyball game. we both tossed them in the exact same place about six feet behind him, he had know clue. at that precise moment, j-bun threw the frisbee, just a little high, forcing my dad to back up about six feet, right into our little fireworks hell. he caught the frisbee and sustained no injuries, so it ended up just being funny.

crap, sunday was fun. til we had to try to sleep on a leather couch in the 80-degree basement, that sucked. amy got trashed. that was hilarious. she's agreed to come down and help me with my closet situation, and i'm gonna hold her to it.

got back into town at 1:15 yesterday, just in time to park and get to the 1:20 showing of farenheit... at the kentucky. really enjoyed that, of course, but i hate to linger on political hooey... and then went home to watch bubba ho-tep and eat donatos. so all in all, the weekend was a great success. i'm feeling tip-top, got some stuff to look forward to in the very near future, and work is fairly quiet.

and now, you all know what i did this weekend (even though 90% of you were there for at least some part of it), and i can get back to scratching my bug bites.

oh yeah, my dad told us this story about how he got "molested" by his buddy's mom (from the sounds of it, it was more like voluntary molestation) when he was, like 18, and then the next week she shot and killed her ex-husband. nuts.

that one end of my street is totally flooded again. i think i might've gotten a little water in my intake, or somewhere comparably bad--mandrake be shakin' a bit :(

so much for swimming tonight, eh?

anyway, since everyone's doing it, i'm gonna have to throw my two cents in on that whole "upturning of the collar" fad that's all the rage with the boys...

lemme say, the collar is totally weiner-chic. what really bugs me is the little scrawny boys in the polo shirts with the collars up. they shouldn't be wearing polo shirts in the first place. polos are for muscles, kiddies. if you don't gots the guns to wear 'em, don't wear 'em (kinda flabby arms or just plain big arms also work...just as long as it doesn't look like you're hanging two slim jims out of your sleeves). thank you very much.

yeah, i don't understand fashion and makeup and the afterlife and things like this. maybe if i'd had a mama, or maybe if i'd studied cosmo and elle and stuff...

oh well, bygones, i guess.

i'm bored. seems i won't be this weekend, as i have about three hundred million things planned. MUST clean the house. we trashed it getting ready to go out of town, and haven't bothered with a damn thing since. also want to go usurp and get some sun on saturday afternoon, try to keep the ol' sunburn nice and pinkish. plan on seeing farenheit 9/11, laundry, and cd burning for amy... and then of course there's fireworks and drinking on saturday night, fireworks and drinking and grilling out on sunday, and i suppose i'd like to try to make some time for sitting on my ass as well. i'll be lucky if i manage to do much of anything besides the fireworks, drinking, movie, and on-ass-sitting (i know myself so well), but i'm gonna try.

i've been staring at four cans of spam, trying to come up with something more than mundane dumbassity, but i just don't know sometimes if there's much more to me than mundane dumbassity. and so, i leave you...i've decided to go a little early to make a pit stop for some coffee milk and animal crackers.

oh yeah, hi anfernee.

wouldn't it figure...on the days that i post the most, i get the least number of hits. who cares about hits anyway, hits are for dipshits.

grumble grumble growl grumble profanity...

really, i'm not in a horrible mood, it's been a nice relaxing day. i got caught up on stuff, and tomorrow's friday, so how can i complain. right? right.

my man is a little unhappy right now--work-related bullshit. this is never a good thing; i'm hoping that if i bring him home a big blizzard from dq, he will magically pep up. the magic of blizzards. inspirational. what else can i do, any suggestions?

i am always talking smack about my love of "theory formulation." this is just a fancy schmancy bullshit way of saying i think a lot. here are some of my current theories, a few of which you might call borderline predictions.

1) britney spears is in fact pregnant, however, the father is not her new fiancee kevin wonderbutt, it's this guy.

2) someone, hereby referred to as "Someone A" has bitten off more than they can chew. they're starting to realize it already, and yet, still plowing along as if it's not relevant. don't make me say "i told you so." it's in the nature of Someone A to do things like this, so i guess it's just a matter of watching and waiting now. spectator sports! yeehah!

3) someone else, hereby referred to as "Someone B" has also gotten themselves into something BiggerThanThem. yet another watch and wait situation...this one's different in that i hope things don't go how i think they will. just keep your privates in check! this is KEY!

4) my father is some kind of sorcerer or wizard. i've suspected it for years, and the older i get, the more proof seems to stack up. i'm going to start asking him carefully concocted questions to see if i can't trick him into revealing his secrets.

5) crying is for suckers

6) cheese conies were invented by zeus ca. 1540 BC to woo mortal women into his bed. do not underestimate the incredible aphrodesiac powers of these tiny little deliciousness delivery systems. so much yummy cheese... someone get the smelling salts, i'm feeling woozy.

7) someone, hereby referred to as "Someone C," is gonna meet a tall, dark and handsome boy who sweeps her off her feet. she will meet him at church or in the line at kroger. i saw it in my dream, seriously. he looked sort of ethnic, like maybe greek or something. so there's your start, Someone C...get on it!

i suppose that's enough for now, i've sufficiently detached my brain from work and whatever it is i was doing before. i'll let you know if anything new and good comes up.

the 302nd post to crapfest 2. you were right, pistachio, i'm sad i deleted the old crapfest. who knows what was on that thing, i'm sure most of it was hilarious biting social commentary. oh well.

good morning everyone. i'm eating cookies and drinking flavored coffee. mmmmm.... i burned my tongue, so that's totally lame.

bobblehead night was fun. the reds won, no thanks to the anti-home-team sentiments of certain people in our party. i had a delicious lemon chill and a cheese coney, so my night would've been alright either way. they didn't do their usual "halftime beheading," but i guess people are getting tired of that kind of shit.

i get to go out to the dumpster in a few minutes, aren't you excited? i know i am. i can hardly contain myself.